the ballad of freakbirds and freaks - CRACKFIC ‼️

chapter one

"yo what if instead of the hunger games it was called the freaky games and instead of playing the games the tributes played with each other"

"shi bruh what the fu-"

coriolanus snow was not a normal kid. in fact, he might even be better. he's the average instagram reels user whose family is barely surviving but he goes to the academy in the capitol, the richest part of panem and the part with the most power.

he lived with his cousin tigress and his grandmother, and they had lettuce for almost every meal because they were poor as fuck, but nobody could know that of course. they all thought coryo was a pretty handsome boy with a rich family.

"where my hug at," coryo said to tigress as she pulled up holding his bright red zesty suit. 

"i'm gonna touch you," tigress said with a grin as she hugged him. "coriolanus snow, future president of panem!"

"this shit finna be WILD man 😈🙏," corio said. "what if instead of panem it was called freak-em and everyone sharted their pants at the same time each day"

he was also a fairly troubled kid.

"INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, GET AWAY FROM THE SWITCHBOARD"

"huh"

"i miss my grandpa :("

"we never even met him"

"oh right lmao guys my bad"

that was all that ever went on in his mind. he existed purely of five emotions: intrusive/impulsive thoughts, anxiety, depression, joy and daddy issues. not a lot of stuff went on in there and fear, disgust were on holiday break and anger was banned from the main area after almost frying his brain once or twice. he is now confined to his own special little corner in the room :3

"today's the day they're announcing the tributes!" coryo said brightly. "let's hope i get a good one."

"you were just mad about this a second ago but a good one?" clemmie asked. "what do you mean by that?"

"like...i really hope i don't get a super hot girl tribute from district twelve who can sing and dance and play guitar and have ultimate rizz so she pulls me and i cheat in the competition to let her win because i love her and then because i cheated i go on probation where i give the tenant money so i can go to district twelve to be with her and then kill my best friend by being a big fat snitch :("

clemmie stared. "i'm sure that won't happen," she said reassuringly, "you're gonna do so well."

"i'm literally gonna mog EVERYONE," corio announced. everyone stared at him. 

"why did you have to do that," daddy issues said. " this is exactly why im still here. our dad died YEARS ago. YEARS. but SOMEONE can't keep impulsive thoughts away from the switchboard."

anxiety gasped. "nuh uh"

"who said he was talking about you 🙄🙄," depression said. "not everything is about you anxiety."

"this is snow's world and we're just living in it so SHUT THE FUCK UP EVERYONE," joy said loudly and everyone paid attention again.