Late Nights.

Ch.14 ~ Unknowing.

Unknowing I sat on the concrete steps. Unknowing I watched the children run by. Unknowing I saw darkness roam the streets. It was late. It was cold. Not too cold for me but definitely too cold for the festive children dressed as ghouls and goblins. The moon sat high in the sky, full as they get. I sit watching it glow amongst the stars as my insomnia sits quietly in the back of my mind. Even if I tried to sleep tonight, I know that I wouldn't get any. The unknowing kills me inside. It eats away at me. It rots my inner thoughts, feelings and insides. I don't know what he did after my little outburst. I don't know if he knows the truth, nor do I know how he feels about it. And on this Halloween, the one night I get free to be normal once again, I sit on the cold concrete steps outside of my house letting the unknown take over. I let it ruin my thoughts, ruin my emotions, ruin my entire existence. I let it tear me apart. One thing that's worse than being dead is being dead and crazy, and I don't want to turn out like Hayden, or worse, Tate.
As I sit on the dull steps, he walks past. He sees me and only scours. His clothes are dirty and dark, reflecting his eyes. He walks down the path and turns towards me. He only utters a few words. "You may see me as the devil, but you know that I was good to you." He stopped after those words. He took a steady breathe and continued on his way into his night of freedom. Oh Tate, how far he had drifted.
I sat lonely. Still on the dirtied steps. I looked around me only to observe, to pass the time. I see children knocking on doors dressed as everything ranged from vampires to princesses. I see mislead teenagers throwing toilet paper over strangers rooftops. I see Constance sitting the overflowing bowl of candy on her doorstep with a sign noting to 'only take one'. I later see Constance emerge from her house out onto the street, softly laying a bouquet of roses between her house and my house. I nosily walked towards her. The closer I got the more noticeable her tears became. Sniffling she looked towards me. A soft smile sat on her lips, the hard Constance having melted away with grief. "Hello dear Violet." I nodded towards her coming to a stop at her side. "Hi Constance." She smiled through her tears and looked back down towards the flowers. I too looked and saw the card cello taped to the front. Although I was numb I felt a tear roll down my cheek at the sight of it. "My pretty girl," Constance whispered to herself. "Thank you for looking after her Violet. You were always kind to my children, something I had forgotten how to do." She looked towards me and whipped her tears away with a handkerchief. "Uh, I'm so sorry for how rude I always was to you." I simply smiled towards her.
"Enough about me Constance, tonight's for Addie." She smiled sadly and nodded wiping away yet another tear and standing quietly for another moment. Soon after, she retreated into her home most likely to drink herself to sleep. I honestly don't blame her. Not long later I returned to the cold comfort of my steps.
I remember when I was young, I always thought that Halloween was a night for the dead, but after sitting here the entire night I realise that it's really for the living. Sure, we get to be free for a night but we're only free to be reminded of our pain again. We remember those we left behind. The experiences we don't get to face. The people we don't get to talk to. The places we don't get to visit. We have one night to do what we like and I choose to stay. I choose to stay home and not be faced with the pain from the next day. I choose to stay in captivity.
I think I nearly sat for two hours on my own on those steps. I sat with my head to sky. My head to the ground. My head to those around me. My head in my hands. My head in my head. I sat aimlessly just waiting for midnight to roll around so that I can retreat into the darkness that I am so used to. Close to 10:00 at night I was joined on those cold steps. Once that person sat down beside me I was no longer confused. I felt my insides relax and my head clear. I felt all of my senses relieve as his face entered my line of sight. I felt close to tears once his familiar smile etched onto his lips. "Hey Vi." I smiled and went to speak. My voice cracked with emotion. I took a deep breathe and chuckled slightly.
"Hey Brandon. Why are you doing?" He smiled.
"Looking for you."
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Although I was glad that he was here I still didn't know how this situation stood. Had he searched my name on the internet? Did he know that I was the girl that died in his house? Did he know anything? His smile said no but his eyes said yes. "I see why you were acting a little weird around me. Heck, I would too if I were secretly dead." I sat wide eyed as he addressed the topic so casually. "That's how I felt when I searched up your name." He said looking at me. "I actually had to vomit after that. Not in disgust but more in shock, you know? It's not everyday that you find out your girlfriend used to live in your house and died there before she even met you." His eye twitched slightly as he stared at the ground in front of him. "But I thought, 'it's okay, we still love each other, we can get through this.'" He shook his head. "Who was I kidding, it wasn't like I was finding out that you had a kid or something. I was finding out that you were dead. Dead for crying out loud." He shook his head again, tears in his eyes. I wrapped my arms around himself and pulled his head under my chin. I soothed him gently by stroking his hair and shushing his sobs.
"It's alright. I'm here now, it's okay." He shook his head once again.
"But your not here Vi, and that's what hurts." He continued to cry onto me on the cold steps outside of the murder house. The murderer of dreams, souls and everything nice. Once Brandon had recovered from his well needed breakdown he sat puffy eyes next to me just staring into my eyes. "Now that I know, are you going to leave me? Go to the light?" I shook my head and rubbed his shoulder.
"No way. It doesn't work like that, and even if it did I still couldn't leave you." He smiled and sniffled towards me. "How about we go somewhere? I know of this cute little spot. I used to watch it from my window, well now it's your window but I've never actually been. I want to go." He smiled sadly towards me. "I'll explain it all once we get there." He nodded in agreement and stood to his feet.
"Lead the way gorgeous."
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"So on any other day you can't leave the house?" I nodded
"Technically the property but I tend to just stay inside." We sat in a grassy field surrounded by gently swaying trees. Normally a place like this wouldn't exist close to here but this place did. I think that's why I liked it so much.
"How'd you die Vi? Please tell me it a virus." I laughed at him.
"Thanks, it's so nice to know that you'd want me to die from a contagious disease." He shook his head seriously.
"I'm serious, I don't want you to have been murdered by anything else." I sighed sadly.
"I wasn't murdered. I took one too may sleeping pills. Didn't even know until I found my body." He looked straight at me, his eyes wide with shock.
"You overdosed on pills?" I shook my head vigorously.
"I didn't want to die Brandon, I just wanted to sleep. I had been so scared of that house for so long that I could sleep anymore. So if you want to say I was murdered then go ahead, but if you want to blame somebody you can only blame that house. That house and everyone in it killed me and my family one way or another." He sat with his head in between his knees as I ranted about all that I felt I needed too.
"At least one good thing came of your death." I cocked an eyebrow and gave him a skeptical look.
"And what was that smart ass?" He laughed awkwardly.
"I met you." His eyes met mine as he muttered his last word and I blushed under the moonlight.
"I suppose there was a good thing." I continued to explain to Brandon my situation as a depressed dead girl in a house full of murderous dead people. I explain the 'rules' of my continuing existence to him and all that I felt he needed to know. The rest would become apparent in due time. "Should we be heading back? I mean, if you still want to hang around me." We both stood and brushed ourselves off. He smiled kindly towards me and slowly intertwined our fingers together, interlocking our hands.
"Of course I still want to hang out with you. Your still the Violet I fell in love with." I blushed stupidly as he pecked me on the forehead.
"I thought you'd want to kill me. No pun intended." He laughed as we made our way back to the murderous house with the murderous intentions.
"The house bet me to it." He winked.
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The bedside clock clicked over to 12:00 signalling the end of my one free day. I smiled dreamily knowing that I didn't really need a certain day to be free. Just being held by Brandon gave me a sense of freedom and control. He made me feel sane and alive. He gave me everything that I needed. Everything that I thrived. Everything that I had gone so long without. Laying in his arms was the most comforting place to be. I could live the rest of my days out just laying in his sleeping embrace.
He startled awake, shooting up slightly and lazily looking around the room, confused. His eyes finally rested on me and he visibly relaxed. "I dreamt that you left." I shook my head and smiled sleepily up at him.
"I won't leave unless you want me too." He nodded and lay back down beside me, cuddling me close. We sat in silence as he slowly drifted off to sleep. I closed my eyes about to do the same as he spoke softly in my ear.
"I love you Violet, don't ever forget that okay?" I smiled to myself.
"Okay Brandon, now go to sleep. You have school tomorrow." He nuzzled his head into my neck and fell into a soft slumber. I sighed in content.
"I love you too Brandon. Don't you forget it."