‘ ~•~ ’ for switch of POVs.
Italics sentences for sequences
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“Eat a bit more too bacha,” Avni requested as she placed the morsel near Neivi’s mouth but she refused, nodding her head in a no. “Why? You didn't eat anything no, bacha?” Prakash enquired as he examined the face of the little girl.
“Dada abhi Tak tyu(‘kyu’) nahi aayi?” She asked back innocently, her face scrunched, the desperate wait for her Dada evident on her eyes. Prakash’s eyes softened as he softly took Neivi in his arms. “Dada is hurt. Doctor uncles are examing him. He will back as soon as he is okay and be there with you.”
“Sachi?” She asked back, wiping her tiny tears with her small hands with a glimpse of hope in her eyes. Prakash felt like he just saw that look twice in a matter of time, a hope, from both of them.
“Muchi!” Prakash said, smiling after she smiled. “And when Dada comes back, he wouldn't like seeing his baby tired and hungry. So eat it? Hmm? And Mommy will also be sad if you won't eat. So for Dada and Mommy?” Prakash requested softly, placing another morsel in her mouth which she accepted.
“Avni Beta come and sit with us.” Prakash offered slash demanded to Avni who was wiping Neivi’s mouth with a hanky. “Nahi Papaji, I can't. I told you right? Please I don't.. I don't want to be a bad sight.” Avni said apologetically.
“A bad sight? Why are you using such bad words Avni? You are a part of our family, bacha? Why do you want to be away?” Prakash asked, clearly with pain evident in his eyes.
“Nahi Papaji. I'm not.. a part of the fam--” Avni choked on her own tears, unable to control her words nor her emotions. “The only connection I had with all of you was through Neil and he broke it. I can't.”
~•~
I broke it. I did. I..I broke our family. I broke my promise.
I look sideways and see myself pushing Avni away when she hugged me, crying on my chest as I lashed out. The day it all went wrong. The way her mangalsutra got locked in her hair strands. And the way she looked at me with those ruddy eyes full of tears.
And then.. then I see myself, drunk, pushing her away, telling things that hurt her to death. But she was always there. Never left until I forced her. Until I made her feel like her presence in my life was a hindrance for my happiness.
“You see that one.” I see her hugging me. That hug. After she woke up from a nightmare. “She just wanted you after that dreadful experience. She just wanted to be held. If you hadn't put your ego, anger in the first place, you would have seen how hurt she was. A hug was enough to sort it out Neil. You had many chances but you chose not to.” He was right. “You kept barking that her existence didn't matter in your life and that you didn't love her anymore at all. What I don't understand is that, you are the person who found the broken Avni inside the wreck sheild Ananya and tried to heal her. How could you never possibly think that she might have had her own reasons to take such a drastic step? Your anger was reasonable. But the hatred? Was it to yourself or to her? Where did that came from?” Peter's questions were drilling holes.
I am not able to take the weight of my mistakes. Dad was always right. He saw the purity of her mind when I couldn't, that was why he always took her side and stood by her. All of them were right. Bebe, Dad, Peter.. we could have talked it all out. Even Mitali told me to talk to her, but no. How could I turn into such a person?
I told her repeatedly that she broke this family when in reality she was just trying to protect it, even by hurting herself. Even after all those hurtful lashings and spit out of anger, she kept quiet and still thought about me, my happiness.
Tum dhokebaaz ho!
Nikal Jaa! Nikal Jaa meri zindagi se! Humesha humesha keliye! Aur phir kabhi lautke mat aahna!
I see her heart breaking and tears bleeding. I see her speaking through her eyes to me. Why couldn't I just see it that time?
Yeh divorce ki papers hai.
This one for Neivi’s custody.
Please Neil! Please yeh mat karna!
“I will never ever understand humans.” Peter clicks his tongue. “I don't understand how humans could turn so cold hearted towards the person they once loved to death. Did nothing happened inside you when she was crying and begging? A little shake of the heart? A second thought? Or were you that blinded by the hatred? Didn't you really feel a bit of a guilty and atleast a sympathy towards her? And you claim that you love her? I will never trust you.”Peter says that like a child but his words are stern and strong and it is ripping me apart.
“What will you tell her mothers when you meet them? Sorry? Does that word really have a meaning?” Peter says making me have chills. Neela ma will never forgive me for this. She had faith in me. And I broke it.
“Your anger Neil. Anger kills people. Destroys their peace. Make them feel guilty afterwards but does that guilt really have a meaning? If you ask me I would tell you in a second No! It really doesn't have a meaning. You know wise men say speak before you think. Because once the words are out and destruction is done nothing can be changed. You might come back to who you were but the trauma, the words will surely ring inside her heart and mind and will forever be engraved there alongside with the words that were spit out on her.” Peter’s smile is killing me. The smile is making me uncomfortable, making me drown in the guilt.
“People can get angry. It's a part of their system. But they should know when and how they should control it. You were right. She did wrong but she had a reason. You were angry and hurt because when you found out about your child. You were rambling about how you missed her pregnancy, the feeling of seeing your child for the first time, the feeding her, making her sleep in your lap. I can never relate but I know as a man you are allowed to be hurt and angry for that matter but have you thought about her? Do you really think she might have enjoyed those? If you think she does then you're wrong at understanding her. You were telling Mitali that she did all those because she never wants to see you happy. When in reality, she sacrificed everything for your safety and happiness. I'm not disappointed in you for being angry, Im disappointed because you failed in understanding her.” I close my eyes and a tears spill out. I’m-- Avni always was there for my happiness. I.. I broke her.
The promises. Promises are the sweetest lies. Bitter when they realise.
I don't deserve her at all. And yet she was there.
“You shouldn't promise anything you can never accomplish. It's better to not do anything that giving a lie as a promise because expectations kills. It breaks the trust. The bond. The desires and slowly themselves.”
Peter’s words were proved by me.
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Who wants a double update? Also the book will end in two or three chapters so be tuned to know what happens next!
Thank you for reading! :))
