Letters of Loath

E: Sea Blue

On Friday I got my first letter in English. The handwriting is a swirly cursive so I guess that I got a girl. It is a short letter, but sweet. I write my own back.

Hello,
My favourite colour is green. What's yours? I'm supposed to ask you a question as well so when's your birthday? Mine is the 12th of  August. I hope your studies are going well and that you are enjoying school. I'm going to the party tomorrow (Saturday), so if you went as well, did you have a good time? But overall how was your weekend? 

I then drew another tic-tac-toe grid with her cross in the bottom right corner, but I added a circle in the top left corner.

I woke up early on Saturday, I'm not sure why, I normally lie in on a Saturday. I go for a quick run and then grab some breakfast. I get my homework done before writing in my journal; it's mostly about Rose, when I saw her, what she said, what she did. I don't know why I can't stop thinking about her. It's probably just guilt for all the dumb things I said. Every time she's near I get nervous and sweaty, so I resort to taunting and mean comments; I wish I could just be normal around her. I wonder if she's going to Marcy's party tonight, they've been hanging out a lot recently. I do as many things as possible to try veer my thoughts away from her brown eyes with those enchanting streaks of green lacing them, and her soft freckles, and the soft waves in her hair, and her- I've got to stop doing that. I don't like her. Right? I barely know her. I don't like her. I don't like anyone.

Dad takes me out to a fancy restaurant for lunch, he does these things sometimes because he feels guilty about mum leaving. Or I guess it's more like he feels guilty about her leaving me with him. The food is good but the silence is deafening. I used to enjoy spending time with him, he used to make an effort to talk to me. That faded the longer that mum was gone, I think he thought that if he got close with me I'd tell him if mum contacted me, but she never did, so he gave up trying. He's crueller now, colder, unfeeling. I miss mum's warm smile and soft hands.

I think I got mean too, mimicking dad's behaviour as all boys do. I don't like the way I act a lot of the time, but I don't know how to change it. I don't think I can change it, all of my friends are the same as me. They're all just mean to be mean, they find it funny. I don't think I do anymore.

Finally it's time to leave and I grab my jacket before jumping into my car, dressed in a loose linen shirt and some navy trousers. I pick up Nico, almost hoping that Rose would be waiting with him. I guess she's not going to the party. We pick up Lyo and Dario before driving to the party. We're fashionably late, as usual, and as soon as we enter we're swamped with giggling girls and bottles of beer. I end up sat on a sofa with Lucia close at my side, does she ever just leave me alone? She giggles and chats to me, but I'm uninterested in her idle conversation. I just want people to stop pretending they're something they're not. 

Eventually I'm freed from her claws by her friends dragging her onto the dance floor. They spin their hips and dip downwards, I should be watching them, but I can't take my eyes off of the door. It's like I'm waiting for someone, but I can't work out who? Everyone's here already. I don't feel like drinking anymore, I've only had one beer but it's already making me feel sick. Lucia tries to pull me onto the dance floor but I bat her hands away and grumble a meaningless excuse. I go outside to get some air and find more drunk teenagers dancing on the patio. I sit on a lawn chair and watch the sun dip slowly over the horizon. It's nice to have a moment alone. 

I don't think I've not got blackout drunk at a party since mum left. I forgot how it felt to remember the night. I'll admit Marcy did a good job of it, the various decorations did make it kind of feel like you were underwater, it was a good theme idea. I eventually drag myself back inside to the party and bump into Marcy and Paige.
"Elio, you're here!" Marcy greets me with a tipsy grin.
"Yeah, I've just been outside. The underwater theme is a good idea, it's pretty cool."
"It was between this and space but Rose chose this." Rose chose it? Does that mean she's here? I scan the crowd for even a glimpse of her soft olive skin.
"Rose has just gone to the bathroom." Paige gives me a sly smile, obviously noticing my searching.
"Right." I reply, unsure of what else to say. I find a quiet bench in the hallway because the music is so loud it hurts my ears. I just sit for a while, staring at the marble floors. I try and gather my racing thoughts, but most of them are of Rose, and when she's on my mind I can't control my thoughts, or my actions.

I hear the bathroom door open and light footsteps padding down the hall towards me. It's like she's psychic or something. I look upwards and my mouth almost drops. She's stunning. She's wearing a sea blue dress that hugs her skin and perfectly contrasts her gold necklace. Her hair is in beautiful plaits tied into a bun with what looks like a blue ribbon. With her hair not hanging over her face I can properly see her soft jaw and high cheekbones, splattered with dark freckles. She's beautiful.
"Hi." She cocks her head to the side, confusion lacing her face.
"Hey." I feel the sides of my mouth raise into a soft smile. For once her voice isn't full of hatred.
"What are you doing here?" She asks.
"Nico invited me, Lyo invited him, Lyo lives here, he's Marcy's brother." I desperately try to make it seem like I'm not some crazy stalker. She starts to laugh, a sweet sound carrying through the air. I watch her, enchanted by her smile. I could listen to her laugh for hours.
"I mean what are you doing in the hallway?" She sniggers. Wow, I'm really dumb. I chuckle.
"I'm not quite sure." I smile, looking back up at her.

Her hand extends out towards me. I stare at it, unsure of what to do until my body takes over. I grab it, allowing her to lead me towards the music like a dog. It dawns on me that I don't think I'll ever be able to say no to her. She really has me wrapped around her finger, and I don't think I mind it.

We somehow end up back in the party, I'm not sure how, the only thing I was focusing on was her small hand tightly locked in mine. All I know is she's stood inches away from me, only a cup of beer and unbreakable tension between us. I lean down to hear her better over the music as we chat and laugh about dumb stuff. She's so refreshing compared to the other girls. All they care about is shopping and trends. She rambles on about Canada and the lakes and mountains; she seems to love telling me all about her home and every detail of her city. She tells me about Toronto and baseball games and festivals. I could listen to her talk forever. I love how her eyes spark up when she talks about things she likes.

'Under pressure' starts to blast over the speakers and Rose shouts,
"I love this song!" 
"Me too!" I almost scream back, giant grins plaster both of our faces.
"Dance with me Toronto." I say, reaching out my hand towards her, begging her with my eyes to accept. She places her beer on the table next to us, removing the only thing holding us apart, and hesitantly places her soft hand in mine. I lead her onto the dancefloor and slowly place a hand around her waist, she replies with a hand wrapped around my neck. I can't tear my eyes from hers, and she can't seem to tear hers from mine. Our free hands clasp together beside us and we start to sway, the swaying slowly turning into moving, the moving turning into spinning until we're madly spiralling around. I can't take my eyes off of her, her smile, the crinkles under her eyes, her light dimples. We laugh like maniacs as we barely avoid crashing into everyone around us. We dance for what feels like hours, but was only 4 minutes. As the song comes to a end we stand in each other's arms, reluctant to let go. Our chests heave, almost in unison, as we try to catch our breath.

Her hazel eyes stare upwards at me and I can see hundreds of thoughts bouncing around behind them. She looks so pretty in my arms. I want this moment to last forever. In contrast to her hundreds of thoughts, I only have one. I start to lean in towards her, her heart beating faster and faster the closer I get. Her head tilts to the right as her eyes flick down to my lips.

"You asshole!" I hear screeched out and Rose pulls away from me, it's suddenly a lot colder. She turns to look behind me, I follow suit. Lucia is stood there with a fiery look on her face and her arms crossed tightly across her chest. 
"You said you felt too sick to dance and now you're dancing with her?" She screams and I look towards Rose. Her expression tells me everything. God I'm so stupid. How am I supposed to explain this to her? I desperately search for words but she stares at me with a frown that makes my heart drop down to my feet.