Letters of Loath

E: Waves

The party is boring, I don't even want to drink. I just search the room for her, she's probably avoiding me even if she is here. She's been doing that all week and it's killing me. Why did I have to be so stupid? Why didn't I just explain it to her? She won't let me go anywhere near her now. The only good thing about this week was the sweet letters from English class. It was easier to open up when I didn't know her and she didn't know me. There was no way of her judging me, at least not to my face. 

I sat on the sofa, a full cup in my hand and a random girl talking at me. I think she's one of Lydia's friends. I see a girl in shorts and a blue corset being led outside by a skinny guy with blonde hair. She's obviously blackout drunk from her stumbling and keeps struggling against the guy, who keeps firm grip around her waist. I look around, no one else has noticed them. I stand up and head out the door after them, I need to make sure the girl is alright. I push open the door and see the girl throwing up as the guy tries to drag her back to her feet. This isn't right.

He opens a car door, pulls her up and starts to force her towards the car. She struggles against him, but is obviously too drunk to be able to do anything. I run down the stairs and grab the guy just as he's forcing her into the car. In a fit of rage I whack him across the face with a right hook and push him to the floor. He's going to have a nasty bruise tomorrow. Getting my bearings I turn back towards the girl, now kneeling on the floor. She looks up at me and I gasp out her name.
"Rose?" I watch as she squints her dilated pupils at me, trying to work out who I am. I thank my intuition for helping her. I don't know what I'd do if she got hurt.
"Are you okay?" I ask, crouching down beside her, pushing her hair out of her sickly white face. I barely hear her as she mutters out my name and collapses into me.

I carry her in my arms over to my jeep, grateful for my lack of drinking. I drive her home, she's curled up on the passenger seat, eyes shut as she breathes deeply. The sound of her soft snores calms me as I don't take my eyes off of the road. By the time we pull into her driveway she's half awake, muttering things under her breath. I turn off the car and lean over to push the hair out of her face, checking she's okay. Her hazel eyes stare up at me, slightly red, but still the most beautiful I'd ever seen. 
"Why?" She asks, leaning her head into the palm of my hand.
"Why what?" I reply, confused.
"Why did you help me?" Her face pale and ghostly, inches from mine. She leans in a little, eyes locked on mine. I feel my heart punch against my ribs as her lips inch towards mine.
"I care about you." I say truthfully, she glances down at my lips before returning her gaze to my eyes. I shouldn't say stuff like that when she's drunk. This is a terrible idea, I'm no better than that other guy.
"You're Nico's little sister, he'd kill me if anything happened to you." I continue. I see her eyes drop and she pulls away from me, leaving my hand empty once more. I'm so stupid.

She pushes the car door open and as she makes her way inside she sways a little, but doesn't fall. I watch her close her front door behind her and my stomach drops a little. I'm just glad she's okay. It doesn't matter if she hates me, as long as she's safe I'll survive. The drive home is lonely, I wonder if Rose will remember any of it tomorrow, judging by her state, probably not.

I don't sleep well, if you can even call it sleep. I wake up groggy, it's still dark outside. I roll over in my uncomfortable sheets and see the numbers 05:37 am plastered across my alarm clock. I know I'm not going to be able fall back asleep, so I change, pack a bag and leave a note on the counter.

Gone to beach, be back by 8. - E

I drive along the empty motorway as the sun starts to rise alongside me. Shadows dance across the asphalt and morning birds chirp above me. I'm finally able to catch my breath; my heart slows to a normal pace and I let myself enjoy the views around me. The drive goes by quickly, and by the time I arrive the sun is bright above me. I park the car and grab my stuff before walking down to the beach. The sand is soft and cool on my feet and the ocean sparkles in the morning light. The only other person there is a man walking a small greyhound.

I put my mat down at the top of the beach, shielded by the sand dunes from the breeze. I pull my shirt off and run into the freezing ocean, breathing heavily as the icy water encases me. I dive under waves and let the sea lap over me, washing away the stress of the week. I swim for what feels like a few minutes, but must have been hours as by the time I left the water the beach was full. I walk back up to my stuff and wrap a towel around my shoulders, lying down to let the midday sun warm me. After a while my stomach starts to complain about the lack of food and I walk up to the beach shops to grab lunch. I queue up at a pizza shop and start to read the menu as I hear a dreadful voice behind me.

"Elio! I thought I saw your car!" Lucia says, standing beside me in the queue. I mutter a few curse words under my breath as I stop myself from just leaving.
"Hi." I reply, kicking myself for not going in a different store. Why can't I just have a single day to myself?
"You know I've decided to put the drama behind me." She says. Yeah right. "I've decided to forgive you."
"Thanks?" If anything she should be apologising to me, not forgiving me.
"You're welcome." She replies and starts rambling on about bikinis and fashion. I tune her out quickly. We eventually get to the front of the line and order our pizzas, I let her go first, trying to get a break from her talking.

"Elio! What're you doing here?" I hear Lyo's voice and I'm greeted by a big group of of my friends. If I can even call them that. They follow me down to the beach and put all of their stuff beside mine. Why me? Why today? Lucia sits beside me and won't stop talking about fate. I think she thinks me being here is a sign or something. I think I preferred it when she hated me, at least then I didn't have to listen to her meaningless chatter. I wish she hated me, and that Rose didn't. 

I wonder why Nico isn't here and consider calling him or something dumb like that. Finally everyone leaves to go swimming and I take out my journal and start writing. I write about the sea, and Rose. I write about the waves of hatred and love we both throw at each other and the strange girl who I write letters to. I tell the pages all of my thoughts and feeling, exposing myself as I express how horrible it makes me feel when she avoids my gaze. Every time I'm around she stares downwards, studying the floor intensely until she can find an excuse to walk away. She makes me feel like a terrible person, maybe she's right, maybe I am. When I am finally unburdened by my feelings, I pack up my things and leave. I don't bother telling the others why I'm leaving. I don't bother leaving a note. I didn't come here with them so why should I leave with them? If I stick around and longer Lucia will probably find a way to make me drive her home, and I can't listen to another stupid word coming out of her babbling mouth.

As I drive home a familiar song starts to play over the car speakers. It's the song that played when I drove Rose home, she obviously liked it, she was mouthing the words. I turn it up as the wind whips around the open roof. It is a pretty good song. I can't get her out of my head.

I get my next letter in my first lesson the next day. I can't help myself from smiling at the words. I write my reply quickly.

Hey stranger, 
Yes it is the morning, good guess. I don't know what to think of my friends anymore. A couple of them are good people and good friends, but I'm unsure of the rest right now. They enjoy drinking too much and hooking up with random people, I used to but I don't think I do anymore. It just seems a bit wrong. I like the idea of the presents, looks like you owe me one in March. I love the fact I can drive, it gives me so much freedom. Maybe I could teach you when you turn 17. 
I don't know if I want you to seduce me, I would need to know who you were for that. I didn't know that 'we' were writing a love song. I thought I was the one writing it, and I love the name, but maybe we should go in a different direction for the rest of the song.
How are you so good at tic-tac-toe? I thought I would surely win. 
Yours sincerely - stranger.

I then place a circle in the middle square, allowing the girl behind the paper to win.