Safe Haven

Prologue

"Mag usap naman tayo oh." She pleaded. She's walking behind me, trying to keep up with my pace.

I stood my ground and refused to.

"Parang awa mo na." She's persistent, but I still stood firm with my decision that I don't wanna talk.

"Go away, I don't have time for this." I dismissed her, but she didn't listen.

"Harapin mo naman ako, pag usapan naman natin to." I irritatedly turned around to see her.

"No. We're done, there's nothing else that you can do!" I yelled, she was taken aback with my tone, I have never yelled at her for so long.

"Eh paano tayo?" I was about to walk away when I heard those words that prevents me from taking more step. I turned around to see her. "Paano ako?" I met her expressive eyes again. Her eyes that often screams power, dominance and coldness. I hate to see her like this.

"You already know that what we had is just a game that we have created."

She started sobbing.

"Ano pala 'yung mga dates natin? Those nights na magkasama tayo para i-comfort ang isa't isa?" She took a deep breath before uttering another words. "Lahat ng 'yon parte pa rin ba nung letseng larong 'yon!?"

I was shocked when she yelled. It's like, the world is crushing her down.

"Yes!" No, I love those times with you. "I hate to break it to you but those nights, and dates that we had were all part of that fucking game!"

"I love you. I fucking love you! Putangina, maubos man kayamanan ko kakapusta para makasama ka lang gagawin ko!" I stared at her confusingly. "Nag mamakaawa ako sa'yo, para mo nang awa. Pag usapan naman natin 'to oh. Ayusin natin, maybe we could figure this out together."

"That is exactly why we need to let go! You're fucking lost with that stupid love that you forgot to respect yourself."

"P-please, you're the only one that I could run to right now. Ikaw lang makakapawi nito, nag mamakaawa ako ayusin natin.." She weakly said and tries to hold my hand but I stepped back that causes her eyes to soften more and tears streaming down to her face.

"S-sabi mo.." She paused for a moment. "Kapag naramdaman kong pasan ko ang mundo, kapag naramdaman kong nawawala ako sa wisyo. Kapag nasasaktan ako, kapag hindi ako maayos. P-pwede akong t-tumungo sa'yo para m-mag pahinga.. Pero heto ka ngayon, tinataboy mo ako." She exhale deeply. "Sabi mo 'y-yon e.." I looked away from her pleading eyes, I can't take it anymore.

"Bakit? Ano bang nagawa ko? What went wrong? Okay pa naman tayo nung nakaraan e.." I heaved a deep sigh.

"We shouldn't have done that.." I said with a firm tone. "All of those things? You know that it is a forbidden love! Yet you insisted, you know that this time will come."

"Alam ko naman 'yon eh, I am willing to pull some ties for us to move fre-"

"I don't want to continue this. I am disgusted." I think I hit the right spot. She sobbed more in front of me.

"Napaka imposible naman non! Paano lahat ng mga sinabi mo saakin? Ikaw n-nalang 'yung kakampi ko e.." She weakly stared at me and then got on her knees to plead more. I was shocked.

"N-ngayon kita mas k-kailangan, parang awa m-mo naman na."

I am shocked because she never plead to anyone. She never begged for something she really wanted. She gets it without pleading, without getting on her knees. She never cried like this.

I don't know what to do anymore. I can't understand myself either. It's so frustrating.

"I didn't mean any of those. Those are just empty words to make you feel better, and I guess it worked differently. I didn't expect that you'd actually fell for those." I chuckled to insult her and for her to realized something.

"Pinipili mo na ba siya kaysa saakin? Bakit? Nagkulang ba ako sa pag paparamdam sa'yo? Saan ako nagkulang para gawin mo 'to sakin?" I couldn't speak. I couldn't utter a word. Fuck this.

"Leave. Don't ever show your face at me again, don't go near me ever again. Wala na akong pakielam sa kung anong gagawin mo, because honestly? I never cared about you. Leave my premises before I even get you thrown away." I said in a monotone voice and turned my back on her.

Then the rain suddenly poured. The cold breeze hugged my body and I felt her warm gazes before I heard her protest.

"No, I won't leave your premises hangga't hindi mo sinasabi saakin kung bakit!"

Damn it, what should I do to make her go away? I shut my eyes feeling the guilt and irritation.

"Bakit nga ba? Ano nga ba ang dahilan?"

I really don't know what to say anymore to make her go away. I shouldn't be this hard on her but she's really so stubborn that I had to say some harsh things that I really don't mean to. I feel so drained with just by ending things between us, paano pa kaya kung isama pa 'yung mga problems ko sa business? Fuck this torture, I hate it.

I look back at her. I saw her, she's still on her knees on our front porch getting completely soak with the rain drops. My knees are also getting weaker just by looking at her. She's so messed up.

"Please, just please.. s-sagutin mo naman ako.."

"I just used you! I fucking used you." I had to use this on her. Her eyes got widened in shock and I felt sick when her eyes were filled with disappointment and betrayal.

"I just used you 'cause of the game that we created. I know it will change my life when I get closer to you. My.. my dad used that opportunity to get more investment!"

"You've got to be kidding me.." I looked down. "Tangina.. hindi ako makapaniwala sa mga pinag sasasabi mo ngayon. Please sabihin mo saakin na nag bibiro ka lang."

"I am not, I'm done fooling you."

"I thought we're on the same page, sweetheart." That endearment got me. I didn't move. I can't move. "Kahit na ginamit mo lang ako, hindi ko magawang magalit sa'yo kasi t-tangina.."

"Nangingibabaw pa rin yung pagmamahal ko! Bakit ganon?" She sniffed. "I still love you despite of everything."

"I'm just using you, so please! Leave now, I am done usi-" She cut me off by saying something that completely left me on shock.

"Edi putangina gamitin mo pa ako! Gamitin mo'ko hangga't maubos yung yaman ko, huwag ka lang umalis."

"Are you fucking crazy?!" I yelled back. She's losing it, what? Use her?! I can't do that!

"Use me then, I don't care."

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