The Only Rider

The Move ㄴ Leeㄱ

"Leeeeee" Kane said as he hugged me after my mom dropped me off at his house. I was 8 at this time and spending the night at my best friends house for his birthday. "Kaneeeee" I said excited as we hugged. "Are you hungry?" Kane asked. "Yes" I said and he smiled before taking my hand and together we ran into his house. My hand felt so warm and my heart sped up everytime he held it. After we finished eating his parents told us to come outside they had a surprise for him. I covered his eyes as instructed by his dad as we prepared to go outside. I saw it first and I was excited to play with it too. It was a slick black toy motorcycle with his name engraved on the said and an actual motor inside. Of course its still a toy so the motor wasn't extremely fast or anything. Once I uncovered his eyes Kane got excited and pulled me along with him. "Your my first passenger" he said as he climbed on the bike. He then patted the seat behind him and I got on. His mom put helmets on us and away we drove. His older brother Han recorded a video of us with a camcorder for the memories but also to show his friend Kalisa at school who couldn't make it to the party. I held onto Kane's waist and laid my head on his back as happiness filled my heart. That was one of the happiest days of my life but just as quickly as happiness filled me it was drained away the moment I got home.

My dad lost his job and he drowned his sorrows in alcohol and cigarettes. That started him down a dark path that ended in losing my mother and soon after me. I was 13 when my mom left. She just up and left in the middle of the night. I was over at Kane's again so she couldn't get to me. She left town and soon after the state. She moved back in with my grandmother who wasn't much better then my dad her goal was to get a job, get me and get a place in that order. Leaving me with my father I assume she thought was a good idea. She didn't know.....that she was dooming me to a year of abuse....both physical and sexual. I remember going home after spending the night at Kane's happy as can be only to discover my mom left. I cried in my room loudly and it annoyed my father. He......he put his cigarette out on my arm making me scream louder. To shut me up.....he....he put his thing in my mouth making me give him a blow job. His own son......it shut me up surely but he wasn't done.... After he filled my mouth he took me to his room and raped me. I cried of course so he covered my mouth so our neighbors wouldn't hear it. I.....I came during his penetration.....instead of being upset....he took it as I enjoyed it and the cycle would repeat nightly. It got to the point I just lost touch with reality during it. Becoming completely emotionless and cut off from everything. Well that's a lie...everything except Kane and his family. At school I would cover up the burn marks with my clothes and appear as happy as normal. Hang out with Kane during lunch then go home to that. Then the day came....my dad told me to pack up he got a job about 2 hours from New York and said we are moving. He stopped by Kane's house a reward for my obedience everynight so I can say good bye. I remember Kane's face...that handsome almost princely Taiwanese face. I understood why the girls all had crushes on him at school.

"Lee!....What's wrong?" He asked noticing my tears. "Im....m....m...moving..." I sobbed. "What! But we have school tomorrow...you can't!" He said shocked. "I don't have a choice Kane....dad got a new job in another state" I said. "A....another state...but! Our project...our dreams....how come!" He asked as he started to tear up. "I'm sorry...." I said. "Lee move your ass! We gotta get going come on son!" dad called from the truck. Then he noticed the bruises and burn marks I had "Lee....no....you...you can stay here! Im sure mom won't mind! Mom!" He called but before she got to us I hugged him tightly. "I'll miss you! Promise me you won't forget me" I said then with the blowing of the horn I ran down the stairs and climbed in the truck. My dad waved lightly and we took off. As dad talked on and on about this new job and this city we were moving to I looked back to see Kane running after the truck barefoot. I broke down quietly as to not alert my dad and watched as Kane got stopped by his brother Han. As dad turned the corner I just knew.....that was going to be the last time I saw Kane. I then became completely cold to everything....dad continued the nightly rape and continuously put out his cigarettes on my skin...this time onto my back. I would remain like that for a year just completely cut off from reality. At my new school I became known as the scary kid because I would never talk unless asked a question by a teacher. At lunch I would sit alone and never try to talk to anyone. I never made friends there at home the nightly rape would start to slow because my father was working. It was still very much present it just didn't happen as often. He would also stop putting out his cigarettes on me even stopped smoking for a time.

It didn't matter the damage was already done. I was already gone.....I became more of a willing participant....in the rape...sex.....always a bottom always giving a blow job never receiving anything except the penetration. I would watch porn in my room and masturbate always gay porn never straight or lesbian. I didn't know anything else....I never formed friendships, never found love, never found a light. Then my ticket to freedom arrived. Mom found us and she had a fit tall and handsome man with her. They yelled at each other then dad swung at mom but was stopped by the guy who then punched my dad and knocked him out. Instead of running to my mom I instead tried to tend to my dad. Silently shaking him trying to help him till mom touched me. I screamed "don't touch me! Make it stop! No no! No! Leave me alone! Daddy stop! Stop! Don't touch me there!" and ran away to my room. It was a sudden outburst that caught my mom and the guy off guard. I curled up into a ball and began rocking back and forth on my bed. My mom walked into my messy and dark room with tears on her face followed by the guy who turned my bedroom light on. She didn't care about what my room was like...I scared her all she cared about was me. "Lee....what's wrong...talk to me baby" she said. "No talking, no crying, cry and get beat....then touched then burned no...no talk" I said. "What?" She said confused. That's when the guy approached me. He kneeled in front of me and looked at my face. "Hey bud my name is Waan what's your name?" He asked.