Shit, shit, shit. Deep down I knew there was something wrong, something tragic and fucked up and I still managed to make his bad day even worse by firing him.
The need to get to know him was so strong that I had to squash it away. Subconsciously I wanted to make him disappear, to not be there in my life, distracting me with wondering about what his tattoos mean or how that plump bottom lip feels pressed against mine. I was attracted to him in a way I was never attracted to anyone. In some primal, primitive way where one wants to claim another. Own them.
And despite everything I'd ever told myself about avoiding that kind of complication, I wanted to protect him from whatever demons he was running away from. Alaska was his refuge and instead of welcoming him here I was making his life miserable.
Being this close to him I finally allow myself to actually see his face, the deep green of his eyes and that scar on his forehead that he is trying to cover with the longer strands of his hair. My hand burns with the need to touch him, and the other one to punch the living hell out of the person who made him bleed.
"You should have said something. Or asked for a day off."
He looks at me blankly. "You weren't the most approachable guy."
"I... I guess you're right."
"I also don't know how to talk about stuff like that with people. Not even my Uncle knows about Maya."
I frown, thinking more of myself than him when I say the next words. "You don't trust anyone."
He blinks. "No, not really sure I ever will."
We both sit there in silence for some time before I pull out into the street and start driving. I can see him staring at my profile in confusion and I wish I knew what I was doing but I just had to make this right.
We make the drive in less than three minutes and come to a stop at the local supermarket. I tell him to wait inside the car as I quickly run to get us a couple of drinks and he wordlessly gives me a nod. My heart still hammers against my ribs in a painful beat. Knowing what happened to his dad combined with the things he told me, it is making me crazy, like that calm beast inside me was slowly waking up and raging for all the shit that has happened to him. And I sense that his friend's death is only the tip of an iceberg.
After a few minutes I'm back with him in the truck and drive just around the supermarket, to the big parking lot. This place is nothing spectacular, and it's not supposed to be, I wasn't doing this to impress him or take him out. I just wanted a place that's calm and quiet, without cars passing or possibility of familiar people bumping into us. I needed to make this right.
I stop the truck at the far end, where the concrete stops and the evergreen trees emerge from a surrounding forest. The daylight is fading, it will be almost dark in about half an hour from now.
Something flashes in Noah's eyes that looks a lot like hope as he slides out of the truck. We meet at the back and I climb onto the truck bed and then he's jumping up, taking the seat next to me. Setting our beers down as I lean back with palms flat on the truck floor I glance up at the sky. I don't dare to look at him. I can't, because I'm scared I am going to reach for him and do something stupid. His smell is intoxicating to me, and being this close to me for a long period of time is making the need for him grow and grow, like a wildfire taking out a dry bush.
But I will never let my guard down, he will never know. More than anything I want to give him comfort. And confidence. If he needs someone to talk to, I can do that. I don't know anything about opening up to someone or talking about your feelings, but I will listen to him if he needs to talk.
He lifts his beer to his lips. "Thank you."
"It's non alcoholic."
He makes a face, after a sip. "Really?"
"I wasn't sure... "
He turns to face me. "I'm not an alcoholic. The other day was just a stupid thing." He clears his throat. "I used to drink a lot before, and take drugs but I'm done with that. After seeing what it did to Maya, I'm not touching that shit again."
"Is that why you came to Alaska?"
"Yeah." He looks away and I don't say anything to that. I reach for the shopping bag and pull the medium sized box out. Noah stills next to me, his gaze slowly finding mine.
"What is that?" He asks, wonder in those green eyes. I damn near drown in his soft gaze. Muscle ticking in my jaw, I glance over at the mountains rising behind him, than at the box in my hands, anywhere but those eyes of his.
"I got you a cake." I say. "Chocolate fudge. You should celebrate Maya's birthday."
His silence gives me pause, so I turn fully to see him better. Those wide, sad eyes meet mine.
"I'm sorry. For your loss. I know those words are empty but it's all I've got."
The light from the truck's headlights is bright enough that I have no doubt that he can see exactly what I can't speak out loud. I want to give him every promise right now, to tell him that this pain is not forever, but I know it is too much, too soon for those words.
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YOU ARE READING
Midnight sun
Romance[ boyxboy ] Noah Summerville is broken when his long forgotten uncle comes to his rescue and takes him to a small town of Alaska in a search of a new life. Then he sees Dylan McKenna with his man bun, thick thighs and intense stare. There is somethi...
