Midnight sun

41 | Dylan

"I can't!" he nearly shouts and then seems to remember himself. "I can't do this," he bites out with another shake of his head. Something about the way he's talking clutches my chest. He tries to step past me, but I grab his arm. He immediately fights my hold so I grab his other arm as well. But of course, that only frustrates him more.

"Tell me how to fix this," I murmur. Everything is wrong. Everything has gone wrong, and I can't fix this, can't make Noah okay, can't bring back his family, or force him back to Alaska but I can keep trying to make him understand that I am not his enemy and hope that by some twisted stroke of luck it might be enough in time.

From the moment I'd walked through the front door of this place, I'd been like a hunter seeking out his prey. I'd managed to keep control of my emotions throughout the evening until I saw that man touching what was mine.

"You can't fix anything," he says with a frown. "What the hell are you even doing here?"

He's awfully twitchy right now, eyes darting all over this huge living room full of people like he's looking for someone.

"I had to see you. I went back to your place and Silas told me where you would be. To my surprise, it seemed he wanted me to find you, which only confirmed my suspicions that something serious was going on."

Noah instantly drops his eyes, probably to hide the turmoil swimming in them. But he stubbornly manages to recover enough to let a mask of indifference slip over his features. "Nothing serious. This is my life now. Just accept that this is me.."

"No. You are who you were in Alaska, with me, in my home. That's the real you."

The moment he hears my words he tears free of my hold.

"Noah!" I call as I hurry after him. I suspect he is less interested in his destination and more interested in getting away from me.

I manage to grab his arm to stop his movement.

"Don't!" he bites out.

I put my hands up and say, "I just want to talk. That's it."

Noah looks frantically around us and seems to finally realize he's gone in the wrong direction. It's a dead end, only the bathroom on the right side. I see the opportunity and herd him into the empty room and slam the door shut. Inside I see him clutching the sink, and our eyes meet in the mirror in front of him.

"That wasn't real me," he whispers.

"What?" I'm confused about what he's talking about.

"The thing you said about me being real in Alaska. That's a made-up world. That was a dream. A fucking fantasy."

Without thinking, I grab him and pull him into my chest. He resists at first, but eventually sighs and melts into me. Holding him tight, I feel how anxious he is in my arms. My fingers brush through the softness of his hair, then down to his back, hoping to pacify him almost like he's some kind of wild animal.

"Just tell me it was all a lie. Tell me you didn't mean any of it. Look at me in the eyes, tell me that you were faking it all. And I will leave."

"Oh I wasn't faking it all. The orgasms were real. You sure know how to fuck."

I sigh. "I know you're trying to push me away, and it's not working. I can see right through this mask. You let me in yesterday. You let me make love to you. You wanted me to take care of you. You said you needed me. Baby, I'm right here. Just talk to me, whatever it is-"

"No no no, I can't-"

"I love you, Noah," I whisper with a tremble in my voice.

"No, don't say that, please no-" His voice disappears into a helpless sob, hands covering his face.