Less of Me, More of You

Chapter 4

2018 - 2nd Year High School

▶️:Day 1 - Honne

double take - dhruv

"Hoy, ate! Bangon na!"

Jema hummed but didn't move.

"'Di ba alas otso dapat nasa school ka na? Malilate ka na!"

Still, Jema didn't budge. Kaya hindi na nakakapagtaka na may malakas na palo siyang natanggap. Jema moved this time to rub her arm where she was hit.

"Aray, Mafe! Oo na! Eto na, babangon na!" Gaganti pa sana si Jema sa nakababatang kapatid pero nakatakbo na ito palabas ng kwarto niya.

Jema slowly opened her eyes. She's welcomed by her white ceiling with glow in the dark stars plastered on it. She smiled. Kahit kasi hindi iyon umiilaw dahil medyo maliwanag na, ang ganda pa ring pagmasdan.

It's like she has her own galaxy in her room.

Bago pa tuluyang makatulog si Jema ulit, bumangon na siya at dumiretso sa banyo. Naghilamos muna siya bago mag-toothbrush. Pagtapos, hinanda niya na ang pamalit mamaya sa practice at kumuha ng susuoting uniform para sa klase.

Pagtapos maligo ay lumabas na siya para kumain. Naabutan niya si Mafe na kumakain pero may kasama. Madalas kasi na silang dalawa lang lagi ang kumakain kapag umaga dahil parehong may trabaho ang magulang nila at ang panganay nilang kapatid ay nasa ibang lugar para mag-aral.

"Ate! Kain na." Lumingon ang kasama ni Mafe at napairap si Jema nang makitang si Kyla lang pala.

Ngumiti sa kaniya si Kyla, "Kain, bading!"

Umiwas ng tingin si Jema. Hindi niya alam kung anong mararamdaman matapos siyang tawaging bading ni Kyla. Dati pa naman siyang tinatawag no'n ng kaibigan niya, pero after realizing some things about her gender identity, feeling niya may nabago sa kung paano siya mag-react sa endearment na 'yon.

It's been a month since the night she realized she really liked this one particular person. It's been a month since she questioned herself. It's been a month since she realized she really liked a girl.

And it's been a month since she admitted to herself that it's not just pure admiration, and she developed a crush on her senior... in the form of Ella de Jesus.

Maraming naman na siyang naging crush pero most of it are because of shallow things- pogi sila. But the thing is, all of them were boys. Hindi siya kailanman nagkagusto sa kapwa niya babae.

After realizing she's not straight, she is terrified.

Ang daming pumasok sa isip niya.

Paano kung hindi siya matanggap ng parents niya?

Paano kung ayaw ng mga kaibigan niya sa kaniya dahil hindi siya straight?

Paano kung iwasan siya ng mga tao?

Paano kung iwasan siya ni Ella?

Kyla offered her a plastic plate designed with flowers that are almost fading. She grabbed the spoon and filled her plate with food. She got a lot on her plates- literally and figuratively.

Natapos silang kumain nang hindi man lang umiimik si Jema. Even when they parted ways, Jema didn't talk to them. She bid them goodbyes tho but after that, hindi na siya nagsalita pa. Mafe and Kyla didn't question her silence. Alam kasi nilang kapag umaga talaga, hindi palasalita si Jema. But, Jema had a different reason why she's quiet this time.