Hot
That was Adam's first thought when he woke up. So fucking hot. Am I in an oven or something? It felt like someone had strapped him to the inside of a pot and filled it with boiling water.
I'm sweating my balls off, he thought to himself. He took a slow breath, keeping his eyes closed.
He was so unbelievably tired. He didn't want to get up. Not yet. So he lay there, feeling the heat in his body. He could almost imagine it was from a sun. Adam remembered his favorite beach up in Heaven. It had bright pale sand that seemed to glow. And the water was clear and blue, the waves crashing against the shore in a perfect rhythm.
He squeezed his eyes tighter and thought of that beach. Thousands of years ago, He had taken Eve to that beach. Adam and Eve, together, and everything was perfect. Then, seven years ago, he had taken Lilith to that same beach. And she had loved it as much as Eve had. In fact, she would go there every day. She ignored Adam, and when she did talk to him it was short, clipped sentences full of thinly disguised hatred. But she loved the beach.
Adam let his memories carry him for a moment. Yesterday, he had taken Lute to that beach. She didn't laugh and play in the water like Eve. She didn't collect shells and sunbathe like Lilith. In fact, she acted like she didn't even want to be there. Adam had showed her the ocean full of beautiful fish and pointed at the horizon where the sun glittered on the waves. Lute had looked down and cleared her throat awkwardly. Then she had said, "Can we leave, sir?"
Okay. That was enough of his depressing memories. Adam sat up abruptly and immediately regretted it as his head throbbed with pain. He opened his eyes.
He blinked. The sky was red. What the fuck? He tried to stand up, but his legs shook. He stumbled and fell into a puddle. As the water settled he saw his reflection. Red eyes. Pale skin. And horns; real, demonic horns.
What the fuck? Adam looked around wildly. He was in Hell, no doubt about it. He saw that shitty hotel, burnt and in ruins. Then he saw a body. An angelic body surrounded by golden blood. His body. "What the FUCK?" he said aloud, struggling to his feet.
He staggered over to the body and collapsed on his knees behind it. The corpse's eyes were white, rolled back so the pupils were out of sight, and a knife was protruding from its stomach. Adam reached out a trembling hand and placed it on the body. For a moment his heart stopped. It was cold.
It was the only cold thing in Hell.
"Shit..." Adam scrambled to get away from his dead doppelgänger. "Shit..." His voice wavered and a lump rose in his throat. For the first time in thousands of years, he felt truly scared. Pure, unadulterated fear pulsed through his veins as he stumbled across the ground on shaky legs.
Taking in his surroundings, he saw that not only was the sky red, everything was red. The ground was littered with bloody corpses. Some were demon. Some were exorcists. They lay in grotesque positions, their masks askew.
Adam walked quickly, not pausing to look at his fallen soldiers. Shit... I've gotta get away from this fucking hotel. He wasn't sure why, but it gave him a bad feeling. Adam's head throbbed as he tried to piece together what had happened.
His memories came back as he walked across the battlefield. The extermination. The demon bitch...Chris? Chase? Something boyish like that. Adam sat in a corner next to a broken building and pressed his knees up to his chest, thinking. They fought back. Those weak fucking sinners, they fought back. And they... they didn't win, did they? They couldn't have beat us.
Adam groaned aloud as he leaned his head back, straining to remember. I remember the creepy deer fucker. And Lucifer, he was there. Dickhead. Wait...He sat up, heart pounding. Celina, or whatever her name was...she fucking threw me on the ground...I got up, didn't I? Yeah...then I was telling them how they were fucking dumbasses for thinking they could beat me...then what?
His eyes wandered across the battlefield to where his body lay. It's lifeless face was smiling softly. Why the fuck was I smiling? I look like an idiot. Adam, the first man, died looking like an idiot. Adam stared at the corpse for a second. The small blade poking out of its gut was still wet with blood. Someone stabbed me, he thought to himself, grimacing at the thought of his death.
Who? And how am I still alive? How am I a demon?
Adam sat in silence for a good few minutes. He fidgeted and rubbed his fingers together. It hurt. He looked down, and saw a cut on his forefinger. He had gotten it last week while playing guitar. It had bled gold then. Now it was red. Adam had seen red blood before, countless times, he had seen it splatter out of the sinners he killed. But it had been so long since he saw it on himself.
Not since Eden. When he wasn't an angel. Wasn't a badass general. Wasn't even Eve's husband. He was just a man. He was the first man, but then again, he was just a man. He was mortal, and still is.
Adam noticed a dead exorcist close to him. Her mask was off, and her hair was down. She had light angelic skin, like him. Adam didn't know her name. He had barked orders to her, flirted with her, fought demons by her side. But he didn't know her name.
In fact, the only name he could really remember was Lute.
Fuck this. Adam got up and walked back towards the hotel. He would make those little cunts pay for what they did to him. I swear to god, I am gonna take a spear and drive it straight through Lucifer's tiny dick. His dick that'll never be half as good as mine, no matter how many girls he steals from me.
Adam grabbed a sharp spear off the ground and marched toward the hotel, ready to enact his revenge. Then he paused. Shit...He couldn't do it. Something like that would never get him back into Heaven.
So what would?
His eyes strayed to a poster on the ground. It was soggy with blood, but he could make out the smiling face of the Princess of Hell. According to the advertisement, her name was Charlie. The poster read, "Tired of the eternal hellfire? Come join us at the Hazbin Hotel! Your soul will be redeemed in no time! Join the angels at the pearly gates!"
If Adam had read that poster a week earlier, he would've laughed his ass off. But now, he rolled it up and shoved it in his pocket, continuing his walk to the hotel. What am I doing? He wondered to himself as he made his way to the hotel. They'll kill me. Wait a second, no they won't! That little demon girl told Lucifer to spare me! And he did! They wouldn't kill me again! Adam felt a smile spread across his face and he started to walk faster, hope fueling his tired, new body.
Still, he get a lingering sense of doubt. How would the hotel help him? Adam knew demons couldn't be redeemed. But I'm not a demon, I'm a fucking angel. I just need to to a little bit of good, and then God's gonna send someone to get me. Right?
Adam paused. He had reached the bottom of the hill. At the top sat a brand new, sparkling hotel. Almost twice as big as the old one, it towered over him, bright lights glowing from inside. There was twinkling laughter from inside and voices that he couldn't quite make out.
Adam gaped at it for a minute. "The fuck?" He asked aloud. "I've been gone for, like... an hour! They built a whole-ass hotel in an hour?!"
After staring for another minute, he started down the hill. He was getting increasingly nervous as he got closer and closer. Every instinct in his body was telling him to run the other way. It's okay. He reassured himself. The princess won't let them kill me. Then I just gotta do a little good, and bam! Back on top.
Adam reached the front door and stopped. He stared at the doorbell. It was shaped like an apple, exact to the doorknob. Of course it's a fucking apple. Refusing to touch it, he reached out and knocked twice. A drop of bright red blood dripped from his cut finger.
I can do this. He told himself as he waited anxiously. I was the first fucking soul to arrive in heaven. I can get there again. His heart pounded in his ears as he heard footsteps approaching.
Can't I?
