Sir Pentious closed his eyes, trying to wrap his now-halo-adorned head around his new reality. Waking up felt just like it had when he first died, a bit disorienting and confusing. Though this was infinitely different - this time he didn't wake up in a burning building, but rather in a room with two angels, both of which were currently ignoring him. At least they gave me this ergonomic cushion, he thought to himself.
"We did it," he whispered, petting the Egg Boi next to him. It was the only one remaining of its brothers, with a halo to complete the new angelic look. "We're in Heaven." He tried to say the words, but his throat caught on them. He was in Heaven.
Despite having achieved all that Hazbin Hotel was trying to do, what Charlie was trying to do, he couldn't help but feel a bit empty inside, like he had lost a piece of himself. Gone was his weaponry, and chances to wreak chaos, and although it was peaceful, Heaven already felt suffocating and he hadn't even stepped foot out of the room.
It starts with sorry, he thought glumly. Why are we always apologizing?
"Gee, sir!" The Egg chirped. "Your head is glowing! That means it's radiating, so you'll get superpowers as dictated by the shadow gang in south Morocco!"
Sir Pentious ignored his companion, knowing far too well the conspiracy sites the Egg Bois often divulged in reading. Instead, he reached up to touch the halo above him, a bit warm like a lightbulb, but it was comforting to the touch.
"What is your name?" He blinked and looked up to see the smaller angel with the brilliant white wings in front of him. She was the one who had clapped when he had arrived but was soon enraptured in debate with the older one.
Her sister maybe?
"Pentious!" he blurted after realizing he had been staring. "Sir Pentious. Pleased to meet you. I believe that this is, er, Heaven?"
"Heaven?" The Egg Boi asked. "Is that where the cowboys go to deal pillows? Can we go meet the cowboys, sir?"
"No!" The older angel sat back down from where she was previously quietly watching from the corner. "You cannot go out. No one can know of this."
The younger angel - who Pentious was starting to like more - fisted and unfisted her hands. "Sera...this is proof that sinners can be redeemed! We have to-"
Sera cut her off. "Emily, listen. If we let him out, it will cause chaos! You know the people, you know what would happen."
Emily glanced back at Sir Pentious and exhaled. "But we can't hole up Sir Pentious here forever. He was redeemed and earned his place in heaven like everyone else. He deserves to be able to mingle, to enjoy heaven."
"And when the people find out?" Sera asked, her voice rising. "If sinners can be redeemed to Heaven... just imagine what that would mean for everything we have established! The rules of Heaven and Hell will crumble."
"Would that be so bad?" Emily suggested softly.
Sera looked at Emily for a long time and with a deep breath, finally turned to Sir Pentious. His tail curled up behind him like it always did with people he didn't like. With people he didn't trust.
"He'll need a new identity," she told him, averting her gaze. "A new name, reason of death... he cannot be Sir Pener again."
Sir Pentious stared. "What?"
"It's Sir Pentious, Sera," Emily corrected sharply. She looked at him and her expression softened. "And we can't ask him to pretend to be someone he's not."
Sera looked up. "Why not? Documents are easily forged and Saint Peter will be willing to help. It's only a temporary solution anyway." For some reason, Sir Pentious felt that the last sentence was a fib.
Emily must've thought the same because her eyes narrowed. "Enough with your false promises, Sera. For the sake of peace, I will listen to you." She held out her hand to Sir Pentious, who took it hesitatingly. For once, the egg boi was silent. "But do not forget this: hiding from change will not prohibit it. You will do good to remember that."
Quiet in awe, Sir Pentious numbly followed Emily out of the room. The Egg Boi scrambled after them, muttering something about "omelets" and "the secret pan-government". Once the tall golden doors closed behind them, she exhaled before smiling up at him. "Welcome to Heaven," she joked. "Gold and corrupt."
Welcome indeed.
