KEEP CALM AND STAY WEIRD (book of randomness and funny jokes)

Blonde Jokes

Hiya, sorry I took so long to update, I was busy plus I didn't know what do next so I thought.....blonde jokes,everyone loves blonde jokes so why not do them. So here they are..Enjoy:) 

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Blonde Jokes:

* Two blondes walk into a bar, the brunette ducks. 

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* A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. 

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." 

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream. 

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?" 

She says, "No, I'm really a blonde." 

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken." 

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* Did you hear about the blonde that put lipstick on her forehead so she could make up her mind? 

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* A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door and, sure enough, finds him in the arms of a redhead. The blond is furious. She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and aims it at her head. The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it." The blond replies "Shut up. You're next, you b*stard." 

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* There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted. 

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" 

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?" 

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50 

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?" 

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5. 

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* A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!" 

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet." 

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money." 

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"