ASHLYN
Sa buong buhay ko, i never imagine myself living in this apartment alone. Nasanay ako na palagi kong kasama si Izana, my uno.
I sighed heavily as i put all of my things sa sofa. Busy siya, parehas naman kami.
I stared at the things we bought with our own money. The refrigerator where he always knocks it sabay magli lights up. The lights na ginagamit namin when we first dance together in the kitchen.
I can't even look at the photo na nasa lamesa. I don't know how and when our relationship ended. Hindi niya man sabihin pero ramdam ko namang wala na.
At hindi ko alam bakit nandito pa rin ako, waiting for him to come home. I sighed heavily and washed my face. I bit my lower lip to prevent myself from crying. Tangina, i miss him. I miss my home.
This apartment doesn't feel like home anymore.
Every corner of this apartment had a lot of memories with him. Wala akong magawa kundi pumikit at umiyak. Tangina. Masakit.
We used to talk about our future. And, that's the only thing na kinakapitan ko to continue this life. Yung future namin.
I heard the door opened kaya agad kong pinunasan ang luha ko. "Mahal?" He called kaya agad mo siyang sinalubong.
He looks tired. Magulo ang buhok. "What happened?" Agad na tanong ko.
He walked towards me and pulled me in a hug. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "I'm sorry if you feel like na nawawala yung pagmamahal ko sayo."
"I'm sorry." Sunod sunod na sambit niya. Naramdaman ko namang parang umaangat ang balikat niya and he's sobbing in your arms.
I wiped his tears and gave him a small smile. "Alam ko namang busy ka. You don't have to say sorry for the things na hindi naman natin kayang iwasan."
He smiled. "I love you, okay? I will never leave you." He kissed my forehead. "Mahal kita, Ashy."
"Mahal kita, Izana."
"Do you want me to help sa pag cook dinner?" He asked and hold my hand tight kaya tumango ako.
Maybe, we're just busy in our career kaya ganito. Hanggat walang sumusuko patuloy na ilalaban.
We haven't seen each other for almost 3 months. Nandito ako ngayon sa bahay namin. I left the apartment in the meantime to celebrate with my parents. Christmas.
"Ano na? Hindi pa rin kayo nagkikita?" Hina asked sa call.
"Baka busy lang." Maikling sagot ko.
Maya maya pa ay nag vibrate ang phone ko. He messaged me. Inaaya ako mag usap ngayong gabi. He's waiting for me.
I immediately went out of our house. Walang paa paalam kahit kanino. I want to see him. I want to talk to him.
Pagdating ko sa meeting place, i saw him sitting and fidgeting his fingers. "Uno.." I called him kaya tumingin siya.
"I miss you." He said. "I'm sorry kasi hindi kita nakakausap at nauuwian."
I smiled at him. "Okay lang. Alam ko namang busy ka. Kuya Ran told me."
Napaawang ang labi niya. "Sinusubukan ko naman na umalis at iwanan sila sa Japan."
"I understand, Uno." Sagot ko. "You don't have to explain yourself kasi palagi kong pipiliin na intindihin ka."
He hugged my waist at hinayaan ko lang siya. "Pagod ka na ba?"
Ang panget naman kung magsisinungaling ako. Baka, we really need na magpahinga. Pahinga ang solusyon sa mga pagod.
Siya ang pahinga ko noon pero ngayon?
Mukhang ang pahinga ko ay pagod na rin kaya gagawin ko kung anong kailangan namin.
"Pagod na ako, Uno." Sagot ko. "Pahinga muna."
Agad siyang tumingala sa 'kin. Tears started to fall from his eyes. God, my baby. I smiled as i caressed his cheek. "Pagod ka na rin. Pahinga ka muna."
"Can we try again? Please." Pagmamakaawa niya. "Hindi ko kaya na wala ka."
Agad akong umiling. Hindi na pwede lalo na at may inaasikaso siyang importante sa pamilya nila. "Mahal." I called him.
"Pinag usapan na natin 'to, hindi ba?" Sambit ko. "Na kapag hindi na kaya, suko na lang."
Ang sakit marinig ng mga hikbi niya. Ang sakit makita na ganto siya. I let my tears fall as I tried to embrace him.
"Ayaw.. ko." He whispered. "Ikaw ang mahal ko. Ikaw ang gusto kong pakasalan."
He hugged me tight. "Kaya ko pang ilaban. Kaya ko pang iwasan kung anong nakaabang sa 'kin. Mas gugustuhin ko na ikaw yung naglalakad sa aisle."
It was kind of comforting hearing those words from him. "I love you." I said. "But, they're your family."
"And, you're my love. The one who taught me how to love and care for others." He answered.
"And, my love will always bring you sa taong deserve niyang pagmamahal mo." I said.
"I love you, uno. You're the love of my life. Thank you for being here with me sa mga firsts ko." I continued. "Thank you for witnessing me grow. Thank you for always being here with me."
"I know kung gaano nakakapagod mahalin ang isang tula-"
"Never akong nahirapan na mahalin ka. Kasi, everyday na kasama kita.. you made it easy for me to climb those walls of yours." He said. "I love you. That's the easiest thing that i did for my whole life, ang mahalin ka."
"And, i think the hardest thing na hindi ko kayang gawin. Kalimutan ka. Your love will always stay here."
I smiled at him. I cupped his cheeks and kissed him for one last time. "I love you." I said. Tinignan ko ang mga mata niya at ngumiti. "I know naman na you will be a great partner sa susunod na babaeng mamahalin mo."
"Everything will be fine, Uno." Sambit ko. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."
I stood up and let go of his hand. "Let's break up, Uno."
I bit my lower lip and wiped my tears away. Tanginang sakit. I was about to go but he hugged me. "Kahit dalawang minuto lang." He whispered.
I let my tears fall and sobbed. "I'm sorry i couldn't fight them." Bulong niya. "I'm sorry."
That 2 minutes of my life ay pinagpapasalamat ko pa. He finally let go of me. "Goodbye, Haven." He said. "Mahal kita higit pa sa sarili ko at sa salita."
I looked at him for the last time. "I love you, Uno."
I went home at agad na sumalubong sa 'kin si Kuya Ran. He smiled at me and opened his arms. I hugged him and he caressed my hair. "Everything will be fine." He whispered.
"Kuya, it hurts."
"Normal yan. Iiyak mo lang hanggang mawala."
I cried on his chest while thinking about my memories with Izana. My first love. Those future na nasa isip namin are all in the past na.
And the only thing na kailangan ko i-look forward ay ang present na wala siya sa tabi ko.
