With Loss

4. Lets go home

We watched like four other disney movies until Mikey said he had to go soon. I didn't really watch. I hid snuggled up to Calum with his arm around me and his other holding Kiersten. I was playing with her feet for most of the time. But I still felt horrible. I didn't want to stay here but my plans I made where for later and I had nothing to do so I just decided to stay here in my misery.

Mikey, Shannon and Kailyn left, and Calum's getting Kiersten ready to go. I'm sitting on the couch cuddle up to some pillows. I decided to leave In a little bit but right now I'm looking for a show to watch. Calum leaves and Ashton comes to sit next to me.

"Hey Am" he says and I flash him a fake smile, "so about Kailyn, do you like her?"

"I don't like her opinion but she isn't bad" I lie, I hate her.

"So you like her?" Ashton asks again.

"Sure" I lie. he's Ashton I don't want to hurt him.

"Yay! I'm glad you like her. I thought you hated her the other day" He says.

"No I didn't" lies, lies everywhere.

"What did you want to talk about?" He asks.

"I went to see my dad" I tell him.

"Oo did it work?" He asks.

"No" this is true I had night mares the last couple of nights.

"Oh I'm sorry you can always stay with me if you want" he tells me and I turn off the tv.

"Maybe, um I have to go" I tell him standing up.

"Oh okay" Ashton says.

"Hey can I come with I want to go bother Calum" Luke says.

"Oh and me" Ashton adds.

"Sure but I'm leaving in 5 minutes with or without you" I tell them walking out to my car.

It's not dark yet but the sun is setting. my plan will commence soon. I get in my car and start it, just waiting. Ashton gets in my car first.

"I'm sorry" I blurt out.

"What why?" He asks.

"Just sorry" I tell him and before he can ask anything else Luke comes in and we start driving.

When we get to my house the guys go to Calum's and I walk to mine. Carly is at Calum's so I can get everything ready for my plan. Grandma is already asleep so I'm alright for now. I go get a bunch of paper and different types of colored pencils and just start writing. when I'm done I go up to the bathroom and hide all 8 letters in the place where we keep the toilet paper. I don't care what they think I'm not letting anyone else read these but the people they're addressed too. Not even the social workers.

I go back to my room and start cleaning up. The floor smells like my perfumes. when I'm done I lay on my bed and wait till 2AM.

2AM

I check Calum's window to see if the lights are on. They aren't. I head out leaving my phone on the table and a note next to it that just says "I'm sorry, good bye -Amethyst Green <3" I get my favorite outfit on and curl my hair. I stare at myself in the mirror one more time before I head out. I don't want to take my car so I start walking.

There's a noise behind me and I turn around quickly. No ones there so I keep walking.

It takes me about 30 minutes to get to the bridge. I go over to the rail and start to climb over it. I sit on top and look down. There's barely any cars below so I won't hit anyone. I get ready to jump when I slip. I grab onto the rail but i have no strength. I'm scarred. I'll admit it. I didn't plan the slip I planned just jumping so I couldn't save myself but now I'm to scarred to think of that.