Ash
How can you tell if a person's dying? Not
literally dying physically, but mentally and emotionally.
Reality check.
You can't.
Cause they're forced to put on a smile kahit na hindi naman talaga sila masaya.
The problem with people who are used to seeing you strong is kailangan matatag ka lang dapat palagi. It seems you have no right to be discouraged. As if there's no room for weakness.
And it sucks.
How do I even tell them that I'm not as strong as they think I am?
How do I tell them that I'm getting tired from all this facade just to look okay?
"1.75? Isang mali mo na lang tanggal na yang scholarship mo, Ash! What are you even thinking? Are you slacking off again?" Galit na tanong ni Mama nang makita ang grades ko. "From rank 1 to rank 9? Really?"
Anong magagawa ko? Hindi na ko masaya sa kursong kinuha ko. Hindi ko naman talaga gusto to. Wala lang akong choice.
"Mababa lang po talaga mag bigay ng grade yung prof." Mahinang sagot ko kahit na alam kong wala naman siyang tinatanggap na sagot.
Kung ano lang yung nasa isip niya, yun lang yung paniniwalaan niya.
"Or maybe nalulong ka na naman diyan sa kakacellphone mo?"
Umiling ako.
Hindi naman talaga eh. I don't even have time to slack off dahil busy'ng busy ako mag aral para lang umabot sa cut off ng grades para sa mga scholar.
"Hanggat hindi mo naaayos yang pag aaral mo, hindi ko ibibigay sayo tong cellphone mo." She took my phone and walked out of my room.
Great.
***
'Life is short' they say, but isn't 19 years too long already?
How unlucky could I be?
— • — z — • —
BINABASA MO ANG
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