Under The Crescent Veil

32. Swirling thoughts

Surrounded by the high grass and the last blooming flowers of the season, Silas and Adelia sat hidden away in the meadow, overlooking the small pond where the ducklings were swimming, almost full adult ducks.

Adelia was once again playing with grass and flowers, picking at them, shredding them. The Alpha sat calmly next to his mate looking at his surroundings, waiting until Adelia was more at peace, noticing her being agitated during their walk.

Carefully he began, "How are you feeling?"

Adelia stopped for a second and continued while she answered, "Weird, odd... Not fully like myself."

"How so?"

She sighed. "It's hard to explain. Suddenly this part of me, from before my parent's death, awakens and the part of me after fades away, but I am closer to who I was after the accident. I don't know Adelia that well anymore, I know Nyx... But I don't want to be her either. It's confusing."

Silas only nodded his head in understanding, remaining silent, hoping she would say more.

Adelia doesn't notice his silence, her thoughts swirling inside her mind trying to form into words and sentences. "It's like this huge part of my identity is erased but I still know it was there... My hatred for werewolves was so deeply embedded into me. I still felt it even after I grew to care for you, your family and friends. I still hated your existence, but once I saw the lies, memories started to unlock and that hatred vanished in only mere minutes. It's weird how fast the core of my identity changed or well, disappeared. Now it leaves this big whole in who I really am?" Adelia shook her head. "I don't know, it's complicated." Dismissing her earlier words.

"I think you said that rather well," Silas smiled at her. Adelia couldn't match it. She still felt upset.

"What's going on?" The Alpha asked concerned. He was trying to gauge her, but too much has happened. He didn't know what exactly troubled his mate more after everything.

"You don't know?"

"Well I can think of a few things, but I rather know what is troubling you right now."

She shook her head. Why didn't they see how weird everything was? She thought.

"It's you."

"Me?" Silas asked in disbelief.

"Yes, I don't understand why you are all of a sudden so nice to me. Before you send me away we had arguments almost every other day and then I hurt you by tyring to run away and then all of a sudden this information about me becomes known and all is good?"

Silas stammered with his words, not knowing what to say or how to respond. He was just happy to be together again. He knew he should have done it sooner, but with everything going on he could barely think.

"Why didn't you.. why were you so..." Adelia again had a hard time finding the right words.

"Why was I what?" Silas asked softly.

Wind blew past by them, making Adelia's hair float in the air.

"So harsh?" She finally managed to say. "When I was there in the hospital, and at home, after I was kidnapped, you were barely looking at me. You didn't try to-to comfort me, like you did before. You even barely spoke to me," Her voice cracked.

Adelia cursed herself for crying, but she couldn't help it. Since of yesterday, it seemed the blockade that withheld her from showing vulnerable emotions was lifted. Slowly one fell tear onto her cheek.

Silas broke eye contact and looked forward again. He clenched his hands. He remembered that time well. Back then, he hadn't noticed how coldly he treated her. But once Adelia was gone and the weeks went by he noticed how harsh he was with her.

"I-I wasn't acting that way because of you necessarily... When you were kidnapped I felt terrified. It was the same fear I felt when I lost my first mate. It brought partially a dark side of me back where I distance myself from everyone I care for so I can do what must be done and back then it was making sure the trial would be fair but also getting justice for you... It was a hard task..."

Silence fell between the two mates.

The sun had just tipped on the horizon, slowly making it's way down again. The ducks and their ducklings kept on swimming in circles and the wind blew the first leaves that had fallen down, indicating a season change was near.

"I am sorry," Silas finally spoke. "I am sorry for distancing myself from you when you needed me. I am sorry for punishing you by pushing you away and I am sorry I didn't brought you back earlier. Can you forgive me?"

Adelia couldn't believe what she was hearing. The kindest man she had ever known – besides her father – was apologizing for something she was responsible for as well. Their relationship was complex, she could understand that now, and still Silas was willing to carry all of that on his shoulders.

Afraid to break down in tears she carefully put her hand on his that was resting on the ground.

Forgiving him, she could.

Silas smiled at her and Adelia tried too, through the tears. He grabbed carefully her cheek and connected their lips. The kiss wasn't passionate or filled with lust. It was tender and gentle, filled with care and love.