Thank You and Goodnight!

Of Course Luigi's Day in Court Can't Be That Easy

"Guy with the pocket watch." Mario says as they wait their turn in small claims court. "Guess the crime in 3...2...1...stalker!"

Right as Luigi says, "Snake oil salesman!"

Mario gives him a funny look, "Snake oil salesman? We're not in the Wild West."

"Well he's definitely not a stalker!" Luigi protests. "Fine, undercover Fed. Or bomber."

"If he's undercover, what's he doing here?" Mario points out, then changes their target. "Tacky suit, tacker tie. 3...2...1...necrophiliac."

Luigi doesn't bother guessing, now chiding Mario, "I thought this was supposed to be a game."

"Come on. No one dresses that tacky unless they're fucking dead bodies." Mario says, nodding so Luigi will believe it.

"I got them to drop the indecent exposure charge." Lawyer Shroob says as he rejoins them. "He's in a really bad mood, so just default to me on this one, okay?"

"You'll get no complaints from me." Luigi promises.

"Next!" the judge calls, banging a gavel. "Luigi Mario!"

Mario whispers, "Let's-a go."

"Okie dokie." Luigi whispers back, as he goes to stand in front of the judge.

"Who is the prosecutor in this case?" The judge asks.

"I am, on behalf of the people, Your Honor." The prosecutor says.

"Defense?"

"Lawyer Shroob, Your Honor." The Shroob stands up. "Permission to address the court?"

The judge sighs, "Very well."

"Your Honor, this is the real Luigi Mario." Lawyer Shroob gestures to Luigi. "A law abiding citizen with a clean record. He's married with twins. He graduated trade school, and is an upstanding member of his community. I have a list of people willing to testify to this. There is no reason to believe this would ever happen again. This was a one time thing."

"Except it's not." The judge reminds Lawyer Shroob.

"Pardon me?"

"It's his second arrest, not his first." The judge says.

"Your Honor, you can't disregard that Mr. Mario is well respected and should not have these charges on his record. We move to dismiss."

"Is your wife here, Mr. Mario?" The judge asks.

"Mine?" Luigi asks, confused. "No, why?"

"That's surprising." The judge says.

"She's working." Luigi says, but that doesn't seem to help, as the judge tells him sternly.

"You do understand the gravity of this situation, do you not? What are you doing here when you should be the one working instead of her?"

"Maybe I don't need a wife or to work to prove I can handle a misdemeanor." Luigi snaps back without thinking.

"Mrs. Del Mario is very busy, and from what I can see, Your Honor, so are you." Lawyer Shroob says.

"Then there's the matter of the crude language." The judge says.

"That's hearsay." Lawyer Shroob says immediately. "And your only testimony is from a cop that made it sound worse than it was. Mr. Mario didn't stand a chance!"

"Mr. Shroob, please. We're all aware of your disdain for law enforcement." The judge says in exasperation.

"I have no disdain." Lawyer Shroob argues. "Answer me this: has anyone else made a similar complaint about the night in question?"