stuck in my head- 0wave
as i texted the group chat that i was almost ready, i put my phone down and finished setting my makeup. i looked in the mirror and smiled to myself, i had decided to go with a mini black dress with lots of glitter on it, my burgundy hair curled into slightly lose curls & some black regular heels. i finished applying my red lipstick on and decided to walk out since i heard the honk.
as i walked in the car i was met with the familiar smell that lingered every time we went to parties. i sat next to sangha and said hi to everyone & of course, he didn't even look up from his phone. i rolled my eyes and grabbed the blunt that sangha offered me. we had small talk until we arrived to the big house with the bright ass lights.
they all got down and i decided to stay in the car to finish the blunt that was in my hand, as everyone was getting out i looked to see why junho was not getting down. i looked up at him gave him a questioning look as he finally looked up at me. "um what are you waiting for?" i said as i signaled the door "i'm waiting for you to pass it" he said as he didn't take his eyes off from mine. "uh, i kinda got lipgloss on it" i said as i tried to rub it off. "you're good, it's not like i haven't gotten your lipgloss on my lips before" he said as he grabbed the blunt and walked out of the car & into the party. and there i was, left dumbfounded, AGAIN.
let me explain this whole thing, junho & i were sort of friends with benefits... but the friends part was questionable because he always acted the way he did in front of everyone, especially these past days after the told me he wasn't interested in me & was out with the boys and ignoring my texts. we would text here and there & go over to each others places and you know so and so. but lately he's been acting extra cold in front of everyone else & the guys have been questioning it. i mean at the end of the day, i don't blame them, we're all in the same group. but tonight i have set my mind on not worrying so much about junho & just have fun with someone else. at the end of the day, it's not like junho & i like eachother.
as i was on my 3rd drink, i met eyes with the cutest guy i've ever laid my eyes on, tall, fluffy hair & dimples. i smiled and decided to approach him first. "hey, how's the party treating you?" i said as i clinked cups with him. he smiled & looked down and oh god his smile... "it's pretty good, it just got better tho" he said as he gave me a small smile. we continued to talk a little and introduce each other, his name was soobin & it turned out he was a little bit older then me. as we were talking i looked to the corner of my eye and i saw the familiar tall boy with a girl whispering something in his ear. ugh, typical, why do i even care at this point? i rolled my eyes and grabbed soobin by the arm, leading him to the dance floor. we were having fun dancing & i felt like we were getting closer and closer by the second, his hands gripping both sides of my waist as i had both of my arms wrapped around his neck. "hey, i was thinking if maybe you'd like to go on a date with me? you know, when we're all sober and stuff, you seem like an amazing girl" he said as he put one of his hands on the side of my cheek. i could feel the blood rush to my cheeks. as i nodded my head, i could feel our faces inching closer and closer. but before the space could completely close, i felt a strong hand pull me and drag me all the way up the stairs and into a room that i knew too well.
"bro what the fuck?! you just cockblocked me so hard" "what the fuck? what are you doing??" he said as he looked into my eyes. "huh? i'm just having fun junho, this a fucking party, no one told you anything when you were with that girl" i saw him smirk. HES SMIRKING?! "jealous?" he said as he got closer to me. "jealous?! why would i be jealous, we're just friends with benefits, hell i don't even think we're friends at all, so how about you get down from your delusions and leave me tf alone, if i wanna fuck someone else i will, and i have my eye on someone already" i pushed him away and walked out of his room, idk where all of this came from but it just spilled out of my mouth.
the night passed by and here we all were, sitting in a circle playing truth or dare, and of course, the bottle landed on me. i looked over to doy and chose dare. he smirked to himself and i was confused, what is he smirking about. "i dare you to kiss someone in this circle right now" i looked around the circle and met eyes with soobin; however i could feel a pair of eyes burning the side of my face. i smiled to myself, maybe this will make him snap out of it. i walked over to soobin and sat on his lap facing him, i closed the gap between us. we kissed for a good 2 minutes, but... i didn't feel it. i didn't feel what i usually felt with junho.
he just sat there, said nothing. but surprisingly, the bottle that had now come to a stop, stopped on him. "truth or dare bro?" sangha said as he smiled suspiciously. "i dare you to take the girl you want up to your room right now" i swallowed the lump i didn't know i had in my throat. he didn't even look at me, he stood up and grabbed the girl who he was with earlier. and that was it, idk what came over me but i stood up & my head suddenly got dizzy, my head felt like it was gonna explode. "hey, are you okay?" jiwon asked me. "yeah just a little dizzy; uh i'm going to head up to the guest room, goodnight" i turned around and my eyes met with junho and the girl making out in the corner. oh no i just wanna throw up. i guess i was looking for too long because i met eyes with him & he slightly pushed the girl away. i ran into the room and laid on the bed and started sobbing.
i sat on my bed and questioned my whole existence; why am i crying?! i went to take a shower and changed into some pjs that i had in the guest room. when i got out of the restroom i met eyes with the dark haired boy who was now sitting in my bed. "junho get the fuck out of my face" "i'm sorry i can't get my act together, i'm better than him you know?" he said as he sat next to me. "what are you talking about?" i said as i met eyes with him. "i thought it'd be okay but it's hard being without you, i don't want to do this act anymore & i've been so stuck in my head all these days. but i want you"
