Unexpected Connections | Spencer Reid

Should I Look?

Spencer

Her words cut through my like a knife. She doesn't want to get married? What did I do? I stare at Clara in total shock.

"You don't want to marry me?" I don't care if my voice is cracking and squeaky. The girl I love just told me she didn't want to marry me. Clara looks like she's going to bawl at any second.

"Spence, no. I want to marry you, I do. But you should be with someone who can give you what you deserve." She's fighting the tears, i can tell by the way she's moving her head and batting her eyelashes.

"What do you mean?" I grab her hands so she'll focus on me.

"You deserve to be a dad Spencer, you'll be an amazing dad one day. But I don't think I could be half as good at being mother, Spencer, I don't know the first thing about motherhood." She's crying now, it breaks my heart into a million pieces. We're standing in the small kitchen it tops silence, the only noise is the sound of Clara sobbing.

"No," I wist for her to look at me. "I don't want someone else Clare, I want you. And as far as having kids go you don't need a role model for that. You are the kindest, most caring, talented, woman I know, you know how to love Clara. You'd be an amazing mother." I hold her hands tightly in mine, I never she thought this way, I always assumed because she worked with babies that she'd want her own. And she does, she wants kids but she's scared, so am I.

"How do you know that?" She cries letting go my left hand to wioe her tears.

"You said it yourself, you think i'd be an amazing father. I didn't have a father figure to show me the way, it's not about that at all. It's the kind of person you are, and you Clara, are perfect." She wraps her arms around me and sobs into my neck.

"Why are you thinking about all this right now?" The thought crossed my mind this evening when her jeans didn't zip anymore, the mood swings didn't help the case either, is Clara pregnant?

"I don't know, I just don't want you regret marrying me if I can't give you what you deserve to have in the future." She mumbles and I pull back to look at her face.

"If my future doesn't have you in it, I'm not interested." She smiles at me and I wipe the tears off her cheeks. I still wonder if she's pregnant but I won't ask, I don't want to offend her right now. She can't be, she practically drank a whole bottle of wine at Rossi's tonight, unless she doesn't know.

"Come on, let's get you into bed." I slide my arm around her waist and we walk into our room.

"I'm sorry for all that Spence," Clara mumbles as she crawls into bed, I change my clothes into something more comfortable since I can't sleep in what I wore to Rossi's like Clara is.

"Don't be sorry, I don't ever feel like you're not enough Clare. You are exactly what I want." I say as i slide in next to her. Her swollen eyes look up at me as she gives me a soft smile, even after crying she's the most beautiful girl in the world.

I wake up to the sound of Clara sitting up in bed, I'm a light sleeper, it doesn't take much for me to wake up.

"Clare? You okay?" I peer at her through my half open eyes and in the early light coming through the window I see her shaking her head.

"I'm gonna be sick, Spencer move." She quickly holds her hand up to her mouth and as i move out of bed so she can get out, Clara is sprinting towards the bathroom. I knew I should of had her drink more water.

I drag my feet to the bathroom and when i get there she's pressed up against the wall taking a deep breath.

"This has got to be the worst hangover ever, and i've drank more than this before and it was definitely more hard core things, not wine. I had wine." Clara groans as I sit down across from her.