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"Hello..?" Your shaky voice called out, trying your best to even your tone and flatten your sniffles.
THE other line stayed unbearably insipid, you had to check if he had already ended the call. You weren't sure whether it was mocking how dead your current relationship was. "Sae? Hel-" your voice was immediately cut off by a more weighted one.
"5 minutes." You had only ever heard his voice in interviews, but it sounded so strained. His voice sounded like his oesophagus had been clawed at, maybe it was his restrained emotions trying to escape. His words set off a timer in your head, the crimson numbers declining in front of your eyes.
5 minutes. You thought you and Sae had all the time in the world.
"I'm really sorry, Sae. Let me explain everything..." You choked out, trying desperately to dissolve the lump that had made a home of your throat. Albeit, your efforts were in vain, as the turbulence of feelings you felt barrelled into your words - completely unrestrictable.
As your voice began to shiver, so did you, and tears burned your irises as the events of the last few days bled from your tongue. The words ruptured out of your mouth in a trembling torrent, splutters and stutters tripping over your teeth and plunging from your searing lips.
Everything fell out of your mouth, the words almost suicidal with how meteoric they sprinted off of your tongue to flutter into the air, the only thing filling the deafening silence.
You began with Kaiser. You explained it was unplanned, begged him to believe it wasn't as it seemed. You told him you came back because he tried to kiss you, tried to show him you didn't feel that way about your former lover. You weren't sure why you felt the need to explain yourself to him like your life depended on it.
You pleaded for forgiveness so much so you thought your pocket of apologies would become extinct, the bile that seemed to be ever present in the last few days migrating into your mouth. You tried to swallow it, but it was like a parasite that thrived on perturbation - and it only continued to expand when it caught draft of your dreadful emotions.
You sobbed consistently, your tears not missing a beat as you wailed down the phone, the words you tried to make comprehendable spinning out of your mouth and into sentences that only half made sense.
You began to explain yourself like you had never before; you felt like a tall child. You desperately clung to the hope he'd forgive you, that maybe, everything would be normal again.
You just wanted your Sae back.
Heavy breaths drew from your lips, anxiety bubbling and turning into the saliva that flooded your mouth, vomit threatening to rise. Your chest thumped as you tried to smooth your breathing, the peril that you'd have another panic attack sunk into your bones - and you feared it.
