(a/n: mentions of drugs, alcohol, self-destruction, and ambivalence to death)
All Firey heard was noise.
He sat on the linoleum floors of his apartment, with his back flush against the wall. The noise was like TV static erupting in his ears, scraping at the edges of his mind like a demon trying to claw its way from the depths of hell.
His skull was pounding, accentuating the noise and only the noise. His blood felt like it was on fire, set ablaze with the heat of alcohol coursing through his veins.
There was so much noise.
He wanted to scratch off his ears, to scratch away the noise in his mind, just so everything could be, for once, quiet.
But the blood trickling down his ears, his cheeks, his jawline, from the unrelenting scratching he did to himself to try and make his brain SHUT THE FUCK UP, served as a traumatic and raw reminder that the scream of the incessant noise would never, ever stop.
He couldn't see anything. He could only hear noise. He could only feel pain. He could only feel heat. His skin was cold and clammy, but his blood felt like he was boiling alive.
His apartment was dark. He hadn't turned on the lights in days. The lights in his apartment were unbearable. The sun was unbearable. Going outside and being alive felt absolutely excruciating.
Just trying to stand up made him feel woozy.
How could he face anyone?
Firey felt as if he had become completely demented. The pain of heartbreak had possessed him into a shell of the person he was before, lost in the tornado of his emotions, controlled only by his body howling for survival.
He had never felt this way before. He's experienced heartbreak before, but this was fucking torment. He wasn't sure what has changed about him. He buried his head into his hands.
He enjoyed nothing. He looked forward to nothing.
"How could she do this to me?" he sobbed quietly, a whimper escaping his throat at the end of the pathetic question.
He remembered her face of shock when he pulled away from her. He remembered her trying to make excuses. But every word she spoke felt like he was being stabbed, leaving his heart bleeding over itself for her.
He remembered kissing her, only to feel nothing in return.
He felt humiliated.
How many people were watching that night? How many people saw her reject him? How many people watched him run away?
He knew Coiny saw. That was fucking embarrassing. Coiny's girlfriend also saw. Nickel, too.
The amount of windows on that damn sorority house was also haunting. To add that, the people on the porch below may have seen, laughing until the world was strangely fucking silent as he kissed Leafy.
He can only imagine the amount of people who fucking saw.
He hid his face, biting at his cheeks to try and stop himself from crying. He felt so embarrassed, so unloved, so hopeless. He looked at his arm, and started trying to rip Leafy's friendship bracelet from his wrist.
He had gravely messed up with the person he wanted most in life. How could he misread the signs? How could he be so stupid? How could he think she liked him back?
Did he do something wrong? Did she like him at first, and then stop?
Was he just too awful to love?
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seasons. : a fireafy fic
Fanfiction[human au] Leafy, a college student, meets a trouble-making boy who wrecks havoc on her once simple life...
