i was listening to " happiness is a butterfly " by Lana Del Rey on the way home from my aunts. I spent a long day contemplating you, us, while reflecting on the river-- and the lyrics brought you into my mind and then my thoughts into words.
" if he's a serial killer, then what's the worst that can happen to a girl who's already hurt? i'm already hurt. if he's as bad as they say, then I guess i'm cursed. looking into his eyes, I think he's already hurt. he's already hurt. "
and I realized the harsh implications of being humans who have been unconvinced by love; who have yet to put down swords in order to embrace and soothe. because that was me.
I cried while thinking about all of the things that had happened and all of the " I love you "'s that I didn't say because I still have infinitely as many for you. I cried all night while listening to the album, especially when I listened to California, because you were far away in Italy and i wanted you home. because I knew that night what I knew all of the time, that I love you so much and so irresistibly that across oceans it is impossible to escape my love. that for the years to come if I was not to admit it now, and even when I was to admit my love, i'd still be charged for the crime of even denying it. I cried because I loved you more than I loved poetry, philosophy, and music. I cried because I love you more than biology and the stars or anything else that I ever had loved and that will come. I cried because I know that I am undeniably yours and you are undeniably mine, yet, I tried to deny that. and from that day forward, I never wanted to deny it again. I will never deny it again. I want it to be stated in a bold print, to become a law in which I live and breathe. I love you.
YOU ARE READING
the petals on a rose
Poetryand then there will still be vultures after that'll continue to take what they can get from the residue of your pure soul [a collection of poetry & prose]
