Marauders - Always - Part One

Two Decades of Sirius Black

Remus lay in bed in the flat in East London, staring across the room to the wall, unfocused, seeing nothing. His stomach hurt and his palm closed over the scar on his shoulder, holding onto it, fingers running over the puckered skin. It felt like the scar was on fire.

"Moony?" Sirius's voice was quiet for once, gentle. He stood in the doorway, gnawing on his lower lip, peering across the half-dark of the room. Window shades drawn, lights off - it was the most like a lair that their little room had ever been. "Moony? Are you going to come out?"

Remus shook his head, clutched at the blanket, and pulled it all the closer.

Sirius stood silent for a few moments, then asked, "Shall I come in and be with you? I can send the Potters home... I don't need a birthday, it's silly and --"

"No," Remus's voice was quiet, firm.

Sirius stared at the floor. "Moony, are you alright?"

"Better than I deserve to be," he whispered.

Sirius sighed, "Rey..."

"Leave me be, Sirius. Nothing you can say will change my mind right now."

Sirius sighed, "But --"

"Go," he whispered. "Go enjoy your party. I'll come out in a bit."

Sirius hesitated, then backed slowly away, out the door and into the hallway.

It was Sirius's birthday. His 20th, to be exact, and the flat was noisy outside of the bedroom where Remus Lupin had sequestered himself. Sirius took a deep breath, leaving the bedroom door behind, and forcing himself into Birthday Mode.

In the living room, James and Peter were shouting lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody with helium-changed voices, the record spinning on Sirius's player on the coffee table, and Lily laughing from where she was perched on the couch, legs twisted into a pretzel, arms curved around her belly - though there wasn't much of anything there yet, she'd already taken to constantly having her hands against it. Sirius smiled at the sight of them, laughing and playing about, and although he felt a tug in the heart of him that tethered him to Remus's current sorrow and anxiety, he also wanted to enjoy the moment and forget the worry for a time.

He wished Remus would, too. Just for a night.

After all, there was nothing they could do until the full moon - and that was two days away.

"Isn't he coming?" James asked, looking up, voice high as could be.

Sirius shook his head.

Lily looked tilted her head back, looking up at Sirius as he approached the back of the couch and stood there.

"Well," James's high voice said, slowly deepening as the effects of the last gulp of helium wore off, "We can celebrate the two decades of Sirius Black on our own and we'll keep checking on him off and on. Maybe he'll feel better later."

"Maybe," Sirius replied.

"I hope he does!" Peter squeaked.

"Well 'til then," James said, taking another breath of the gas from a balloon he held in his hand and when he sang it was perfectly high pitched, "We should be daaaaancin' yeaaaaaah!"

Sirius couldn't help it. He cracked up. It was just too perfect. James sounded too accurate to stay down, whatever Remus was feeling in the other room, and Sirius took a deep breath and tried to bury the anxiety so he could enjoy a few hours of his birthday.

He launched himself over the couch, rolling past Lily who squeaked with surprise and laughter as he went, "Be careful! Oh my stars!" she yelled, and he waved his wand to switch out the record. Children of the World flew across the room and onto the player and Peter waved his wand to create the effect of a disco ball over the room, making Sirius shout with excitement as the music started and the world went metallic silver all around them... and Sirius let himself sink away into his element.