Wings

23: How Easily Passion Twists

NPOV

Track: Monster, dodie

I'm so out of it when the door first opens that when I hear someone's reaction to seeing me on the floor, I manage to convince myself that it's in my head, or maybe that's me saying, "No, no, no, no—!" Maybe they're here with knives again, I can't be sure, I feel like I'm barely clinging to life by a thread. My consciousness is in and out like the waves of the water as I drown.

Then something touches my wing—

A blade cutting into me, Hermes, the guards' hands holding me down while my back gets lighter—you can't quite forgive me for this one, can you? They're going to do it again, who knows what they'll cut off next—

I shove myself away even though my whole body screams at the movement. I'm sure my eyes are wild, I can't see anything in the dark yet, that means I have the disadvantage. My chest heaves, and I can't quite calm down because my wings are gone, and I can't catch my balance without their weight—I feel like I've lost half my body—

"I forgive you," I choke out before I even realize that I've opened my mouth. It's a kneejerk reaction at this point.

"Nico?" comes a voice in the dark. "It's me—it's Will."

I grimace. Why is Will here? He should be home with his family—after all those things he said about me, they should be singing his praises. He finally fucking gave them what they wanted; turn me in, and he can walk free.

But then the realization dawns on me. Oh, this is awful. This is worse than awful. The king hired him to kill me—hadn't the king said he would send someone to kill me in the morning? Judging by how dark it is, it's not quite morning yet, but it's getting close—maybe Will is early, or maybe Hermes decided not to wait a second longer.

I didn't think Will was capable of killing someone. The night at the waterfall comes back to me, how he leaned in to kiss me and it backfired and he wouldn't stop apologizing all night long. Was that version of Will real, or is this new version the one that has existed behind a mask all this time?

Or maybe he doesn't want to do this, but it's part of the deal he made with his family and his village. If he volunteers to slit my throat, all will be forgiven. I'm just a sacrifice in his way to freedom again—I'm starting to think I might always be the sacrifice. When things go wrong, throw me into the fire and watch me burn, throw me into the depths and see if I can fight my way back up to the surface.

I should be used to it by now. Humans have always and will always treat me like a sacrifice to be made. I should never have expected that perhaps Will could be different.

A terrible laugh escapes my lips because I almost ask myself when did things get so awful, but that's not really the right question. It's why have things been so awful for so long? Why have I decided to keep going through it all when each day I just find more hunters and more hatred? Why did I start to trust Will, and how did he manage to lie so well? When did the lies start, where do they end?

"You're the one the King sent to kill me," I whisper, and it almost sounds like a question even though I don't mean it as one. It must be the truth—there's no other reason Will could be in my cell right now. He'll take a knife to my throat and leave me bleeding on the floor, and I will just have to hope that the next life will be kinder.

"What? No."

I guess the lies haven't ended. There's an answer to one question, then.

"You don't have to lie anymore," I reassure him softly. "I understand. You love your family." I use the wall, my whole body swaying as I try to push myself to his feet. When I finally manage to stand, I nearly fall again—gravity is so heavy, stronger than usual I think, and standing without my wings feels like running with no arms. Everything is wrong. There should be a counterweight on my back to steady me.