Three Last Days - an emotional short story about Depression

Day Two - Soligrant

"A blue moment is nothing but a soul"-George Trakl

Memories flashed before Aurora's eyes, pain shot through her as she thought of what her daughter had said shortly before her death. Tears gathered on her face, the woman felt her legs giving way at any moment. She held the crumpled diary in her hand and trembled. She couldn't believe it. Kara had had a diary after all and had hidden it from her. Her mother stroked the dirty paper and leafed through the pages. Often they were just short entries, notes or small poems that Kara had written. But the last three entries frightened Aurora. No matter how many times she read the lines, no matter how many times she tried to absorb and process the words, she failed.

"That can't be..." Aurora sobbed, she felt the gaping emptiness inside her growing. It was like a black hole that swallowed everything and swallowed even the most distant light in her mind. Aurora once again turned her gaze to the lines that Kara had written in her beautiful, cursive handwriting. "I hate her. I hate my mother," it said in the notebook, but no longer cursive, but scratched, messy and crossed out several times. Whatever happened in the last three days before Karla's death, it completely destroyed her inside. Aurora sniffed. "There's something else there," the woman murmured and continued to leaf through. Her daughter was describing her emotions, her fears, her worries - but she kept tearing out or crossing out words and pages. As if she were a poet who wasn't satisfied with her rhymes. Aurora noticed that the entries were getting fewer and fewer, when they were suddenly completely interrupted by several torn out pages. 

"The diary... it just ends," Aurora looked uncertainly at Josephine. "Yes, I wondered that too. But... she probably ripped out the... last pages," her friend breathed. The last pages that symbolize her last days. Kara had ripped her out and with her the reason and explanation for her death. Even Kara didn't want her mother to find out the real reason. The real reason why she killed herself."Why... why... did you have to go, Kara?!" she breathed, her voice comparable to a weak whisper. "I'm so sorry for everything," Aurora whispered. Her own daughter hated her. Kara hated her. What had she done wrong? What mistake had she made? While Aurora pulled the notebook closer to her chest, Josephine had left the room and was standing on the terrace, this time without a cigarette, because the storm would not allow the fire to stay alive. Aurora stood up on her wobbly legs and stood next to Josephine, grasping her wrist. Josephine wanted to tear herself away, but Aurora didn't let go."What does all this mean? What happened to Kara that she started to hate me?! Why are you only telling me all this now!" Aurora narrowed her tear-filled eyes. Josephine gasped. 

"I can't tell you. You'll hate me, you won't understand, you-" her voice broke off. For a moment the two women stared at each other tensely. Both of them reflected tiredness. "If you don't have anything to say to me, then I can go too! You invite me, act like everything is okay, even though I see how you and your conscience are suffering!" Aurora was almost screaming. Her heart contracted, her lungs screamed with air, but she didn't stop, she didn't let go of Josephine. She had to know the truth, no matter what the cost."I can't, I-" Josephine looked like she was about to collapse. Her eyes shimmered lazily.

Sadness filled the air. "You'd better ask Romy what was wrong with Kara - I'm not brave enough to tell you," Josephine tore herself away and sat down on the stony, cold ground. Aurora looked at them with unsteady breaths. "I shouldn't have come here. You're all liars. All... monsters," she sobbed. "I'm probably a monster. But I wanted you to come. I wanted you to know for yourself. That I'm a terrible person," Josephine shook her head violently and closed her eyes. A tear rolled down her cheek.