Always Have Been, Always Will Be | ✓

29

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Chapter 29

Leave

Everything was going well. It wasn't what I had expected.

Kahit gabi na, kahit madilim, kahit sobrang lamig, hindi ako nag-alinlangang lumabas ng bahay at puntahan siya. Hindi bale nang masyadong biglaan, hindi bale nang kagagaling ko lang din sa nakakabasag ng puso na balita, dahil ngayon, ako naman ang kailangan niya. He needed me. And I was be willing to be there for him...

Even though I needed someone too.

Mommy was having an affair. I didn't know when it started, nor when will it to end, but what really stuck in my mind from their conversation was she had another family in the States...with another man who was married and had children. Parang nakakahinayang isipin na kahit marami silang mga anak ng lalake niya, nakaya niyang intindihin sila, habang ako na nag-iisa nga lang, parang hindi niya pa matapunan ng tingin.

I knew everything going on was too good to be true. And now, I was worried sick for Sauyer as well. Hindi ko alam kung sino yung mas una kong aatupagin, yung sarili ko ba, o siya. Ngunit hindi ko na nabigyan ang sarili kong mag-isip pa, dahil masyadong huli na. Nasa gilid na ako ng kalsada, nag-aantay ng masasakyan kahit lagpas hatinggabi na.

"Fuck. Bakit walang dumadaan? Mag-iisang oras na, oh!" Mura ko sa sarili habang patuloy ang aking paglinga-linga sa maaaring dumaan na kotse.

Nang ilang minuto ang lumipas at hindi pa rin ako nagtagumpay, wala sa sarili kong bumagsak sa gilid ng daan at napahilamos ng aking palad sa pagkainis na dulot na rin ng desperasyon.

What happened with mommy was one of the ticking bombs I have been pondering about. It was almost funny to me that I thought she was finally changing because she stopped pressuring me—all for me to discover that she did it for her own benefit. So she could have what she wanted. Gusto kong magalit. Gustong-gusto ko ibuhos lahat ng hinanakit ko sa kaniya, sa kanilang lahat— sa pagsisinungaling sa akin. Umasa ako dahil akala ko mayroong ikakaasa, 'yon pala, pinaglaruan lang ako.

Even I couldn't hep but be disappointed at Tita Nara as well. Despite sounding like she didn't like what mommy was doing, it was still clear that she was an accomplice in her plan to brainwash me into thinking that all was well, when the truth deemed I was getting abandoned while my hopes were up in the sky. Ang sakit lang. Hindi ko inasahang kaya rin akong pagtaguan ni Tita Nara ng katotohanan...

And now I wondered if Thaianara was in it as well.

But as much as I tried to digest everything, the only thing I could do at that moment was swallow them up. Sauyer needed me. And I'd be damned if he'd think I'd leave him too.

After for what seemed like an hour, I finally came across a taxi that drove me to their house in another set of minutes.

"M-Manong? May tao pa sa loob?" Tanong ko sa guard na nakatayo sa harap ng kanilang bukas na gate.

Nagtagal ang kaniyang mga mata sa akin, tila bang sinusuri ako. Kaya nang mamukhaan na ako, dahan-dahan siyang tumango.

"Nandoon sa loob si sir Sauyer. Ano ka ba niya?" He asked.

My lips trembled as I tried to contain myself to not cry in front of a security guard. It did not help that my skin was barely covered since I left the house in a rush. I was only wearing thin pants and a fit shirt that did not contribute to fight against the cool breeze that made me shiver every time it'd caress my skin.