Always Have Been, Always Will Be | ✓

39

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Chapter 39

Second Chance

Not all the time you are obliged to take the leap just because you can. Not all the time you should face something just because you have to. Not all the time you have to carry that heavy baggage just to 'become stronger'. Not all the time we have to be responsible of those things—mainly because we can choose to fight our own battles. Some wars are not meant for us, therefore, we're not obligated to fight for them just for the sake of 'taking risks'.

In my case, I was forced to think that I had to because there wasn't any reason why I shouldn't. But I lately learned that I could've chose not to for there also wasn't any purpose why I should.

I learned that with Sauyer.

Fear is mostly known to be a negative thing.

When one is afraid, it is immediately implied that they are a coward, or they are not willing to take risks. A lot of people deem being scared of touching something that could potentially harm you as a weakness; this cause many to overlook at that fact that fear possessing your being is also a privilege.

When I first noticed my feelings towards him, I was scared. All sorts of thoughts about the things in my world that wouldn't have worked in his came rushing in my head as if it was coded that way. I beat myself up because of them—for I thought he didn't deserve someone who wasn't as certain as him.

My fears, I tried to brush them off. But eventually, they came true. Due to this, I started believing that fear was a gut feeling that we should follow because they can give us heads ups regardless if we were going to regret going with them or not.

However, when Sauyer came back, I slowly realized that maybe...fear wasn't always good the same way it was most of the time labeled as bad. The horrors of our past brought glaze in my mind that made me feel the deprivation of my true feelings; My suppressed emotions I too was blind of.

Naggising ako nang makaramdam ng matinding pag-iinit sa aking katawan. Nakapikit pa rin ang aking mga mata nang inboluntaryo akong napadaing sa sakit. Hindi ko man lang maimulat ang aking paningin sa sobrang bigat nito, kaya wala akong nagawa kundi ay gumulong sa kama hanggang sa nakakulob na ang aking posisyon.

"Elize? What does my sweetheart need?"

Biglang nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang hindi ko inasahang marinig ang boses ni Sauyer.

Pumisik ako sa pagkakahiga at saka napaupo nang matuwid sa kama na para bang hindi lang nananakit ang katawan. Dinig ko ang paglapit ng kaniyang mga yapak palapit sa silid hanggang sa tuluyan na siyang iniluwal ng paningin ko.

Amidst my aching head, I still managed to scoff after scanning his form.

"Bakit suot mo t-shirt at short ko?" Pinanliliitan ko siya ng tingin.

Tumaas ang dalawa niyang kilay at yumuko rin upang suriin ang suot bago ibinalik sa akin ang atensyon.

He chuckled in his deep morning voice. "Good morning too. I hope you don't mind."

Inirapan ko siya at ibinagsak ang katawan sa pagkahiga ulit. "Ikaw maglalaba niyan, ah? Mahal magpa-laundry."

O puwede niya na ring iuwi na lang dahil sa sobrang paghila ng malaki niyang katawan sa tela ng damit ko, baka naging masyadong malaki na iyon para sa akin.