5 june
Dear diary,
I am trying to move on from him, Alex but it is so hard, its like i cant live without him. He is in my mind all the time, i was sure that i left all my feelings but i just cant stop thinking about him, it gets so confusing and im desperate.
Getting rejected 3 times by him did mess up my self esteem but this stupid heart of mine cant do anything to hate him. He is still a nice person to me.
anyway, i will find new distractions to help
me.
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11 June
Dear diary,
He has a girlfriend now. Yes, as much as shocking it may seem. It is true. It sucks you know. Wasting all my time and effort for someone who
didnt even care about me. You would not feel the amount of regret and embarassment and disgust i feel. I wish there could be a stronger word for this but unfortunately, there isnt.
YK what i realised? That all this time, i was in love with a delusional person i created in my mind. Alex is not at all that person. I feel so strange like he was a huge part of my life in every single thing for the past year anf now he is gone. I dont feel any sadness or hatred towards the new gurl or anything. If he is happy, im happy too. Like i said, i really loved him so muchh
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12 June
Dear diary,
Oof everything sucks. Life feels pointless without it revolving around alex anymore. In every songs, movies, pictures, books and even quotes related to love, my mind immediately goes to him. Idk how to shut it off, its supposed to be hers to think about, not mine.
Maybe she cant love him the way i did, but he loves her more than i ever wanted him to love me. In reality, he is very much satisfied with his life and i am so happy for him but letting him away from my life seems like a big task. I dont really know if i should mourn or ignore straight up or hate them. I cant do the latter of course not, but im confused.
