SR ε: Dry Veins (2021)

ACT ONE | Ch.1: Darkly

So Here's What Happened
July 22nd

I went down to the bowl, and I heaved for a good half an hour while I waited for my stewing guts to come back up and leave my body. What definitely happened is that I vomited several times, out the mouth and nose, a sickly yellow pus that I imagine came from the pieces of steak floating around inside of it. Should I go on? Point is, it was gross. The whole time, this dark voice kept speaking in my head, This is all your fault. You knew what would happen. Am I crazy? Of course not. That voice was my own, and it used to be me. Before I switched. Trouble was, it wanted back in.

This is what you get for going back on your word.

I knew that.

You should try to scoop some of that up, though. Still looks good.

Jesus, no.

Jesus isn't here right now.

The meat was somehow even rarer when it came up. I knew my thoughts should have been about the cow, but they weren't. I was thinking, am I really making myself eat this so I don't have to be scared of being eaten? Do I really have that little trust in my own family?

You remember last week?

I did, and suddenly I no longer needed an answer to my question.

Our grandma Crystal moved in with us in the house, a couple months ago. Crystal's been a wreck since Old Bill died, an old war vet who once fought the Nazis. I'm proud of the old man, but I'm nothing like him, unfortunately. I've never faced any kind of danger in my life, not the kind with bullets. Some kids in my class have, but we're too young to shoot back, I like to think. Anyway, my recent diet change has been nothing for her to latch on to. She needs it, I could sense, that thing that she can hate. That someone who's close to her who'll take the brunt of her anger. Something about old folks, maybe, or just the culture she had growing up. I don't know. How dare I keep living after Bill? That's what she wanted to say. After all he did for us. But she never could, until last week. I slipped up and ate sloppy joe in front of her. I made it with beans instead of beef.
She looked me dead in the eyes like a beast and said, "You know, a man died so you could have that sandwich. And you won't even have the real thing – you vegan pussy."
I couldn't even argue, my mouth was full and my sandwich was falling all over my plate.
She went on, "Men eat meat so they can grow big and strong, and fight the reds and the kremlin. What do you do, huh? Who do you serve? Anyone but yourself? Greedy little fuck."
She was trying to push me, make me react.

She'll eat you alive one day.

I told myself to shut up. I looked in the mirror and stared back into my red, watery eyes and I told myself to stop talking, or thinking, or whatever.

She'll have you for lunch, you know that? She's not okay up there – she's growing into a monster.

This is a lot for a preteen to grasp. This was entirely too much for a sick one.

I think I hear a knife being sharpened.

I told it to shut up so loud, and I remembered everyone was sleeping, and I covered my mouth and puked inside my hands and the screeching in my ears came and I just... stopped. Seeing things. Everything went dark. And then the sink exploded.

Daisy had it fixed, but she gave me a good talking to. She can't afford water damage, and we had to use up all our towels soaking up the mess.

I didn't talk back to Crystal, by the way. I just licked off my plate like our dog does, while giving her the side-eye. I told Daisy what she said. Daisy says she's losing it, so we're sending her to a home. It's her retirement fund that's keeping her for the next decade. She used to be nice.