George Washington Fanfiction

Le North West

I slept soundly in the tall tree, when some commotion woke me up. It was a large black woman with two metal trays in her hands, and she banged them together, creating a cacophony of sound.

"I DONT GET NO SLEEP CUZ OF YALL, YALL NEVER GONNA SLEEP CUZ OF ME!" She yelled. I groaned, this happened almost every morning.

"Thanks Obama," I mumbled with a sigh, and fell out of my tree. I skipped happily into the camp, bounding across the snow on my fresh new Jordans. You could say I'm a boss.

George stepped out of his tent to greet me. He had on these amazing MLG glasses and was holding a bag of Doritos and a 2 liter bottle of Mountain Dew.

"Hey what's up hello, Jeffie?" He asked, chugging the Dew.

"You know what year I was born? 1738, eh. Not really, that would make me really old but whatever if the boot fits," I replied. George was staring off behind me. It was hard to tell with them MLG sunglasses, but he was staring intently over my shoulder. I turned around, only to be feet away from zombie Martha Washington. I screamed, but I had nowhere to run.

Out of nowhere, a beautiful woman and her young baby saved my life, blasting Martha to smithereens.

"Who are you?" I asked in awe.

"They call me Kim Kardashian. And this is my daughter, North West." I gasped. Could it be? The real Kim K? Suddenly, a less beautiful woman stormed in.

"Kim! I've come for you!" She screeched.

"Paris! I thought I defeated you!" Kim screeched back. The less beautiful woman must have been Paris Hilton.

"Drop me a beat!" Paris ordered, and one of the soldiers began to beatbox.

Yo yo yo! Paris in da houseeee!
It's been real, it's been fun,
but it's your time to get roasted, hun!
This time I'll be victorious,
you watch, it'll be glorious.
So let's start with your biggest flaw,
all you ever say to me is blah blah blah!
You're a bad mother, just put some clothes on,
you can't break the internet, and you're makin' me yawn!

Wow Paris, you think you're so great,
but you're not, you can't even get a date.
You think what I say's boring,
because you're just a dumb blonde that I'm flooring!
You're jealous of my family,
because you don't even have sanity.
You're stuck in little Paris world,
if I was I would've hurled!

I looked on at the rap battling women, seeing their skill and precision. Then suddenly, North pounded her fist into the ground causing a massive earth tremor. Kim and Paris both fell to the ground.

Listen up, and listen good!
Why can't you go back to sisterhood?
You once were close,
and now you're both gross!
I'm tired of your fighting,
don't make me start biting!
I'll pull your hair
If you don't start acting square!
Yeah, I'm a baby, but don't let it fool you!
I'm a savage, and to me, you're only a shrew!

Everyone was shocked at North's interruption, and then the army began to clap. Paris and Kim hugged, and North, Kim, and Paris skipped off into the sunset, holding hands and humming.