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Julianna was sick to her stomach. There was no better way to describe the state she was in, the worst she'd felt in a long time.
Everything was in a daze, the already dimmed lights in her apartment were too bright, her skin felt too tight to hold her flesh, and all she wanted was to get the liquor out of her system before she could do anything else that she'd regret when she woke up.
How had she gone from feeling on top of the world to whatever hell the past week had been? The girl wondered if it was even worth it; if the high she'd allowed herself to ride was worth this terrible low.
Maybe she should have just stuck with what she knew – the days she'd spent that would drone on endlessly, so devastatingly boring, but at least she never felt sad. Then again, she never felt happy either.
Making herself feel nothing to not feel anything had worked thus far, but Choso opened up a sea of emotions for her and she couldn't find a way to close it shut.
Her breathing was soft and her eyes were empty as her brother wiped the leftover remnants of makeup from her skin, her head resting against the pillow as he sat on the edge of her bed. She squeezed her lids closed and inhaled deeply, "I–" Julianna paused, "Fuck, I'm so sorry."
The space between his brows creased as he looked down on her, "Why are you sorry?" He asked gently as he set the bottle of makeup remover and the used cotton pads down on the nightstand, "You don't have anything to be sorry for."
"That isn't true," She shook her head, "I have so much to be sorry for, especially when it comes to you."
It was a confession of feelings she never would've spoken aloud, had it not been for the lingering effects of alcohol that had temporarily rendered her filter useless.
"What do you mean?"
"I always put you in these shitty situations. I put everyone in these situations." The girl mumbled abashedly, "It's not like I want to, but I can't help it. I just keep fucking up, and it forces you in a position where you have to take care of me."
"It's my job to do that, Jules." He assured.
"But it shouldn't have to be, you know?" Julianna pursed her lips, "You're supposed to be my brother. But I've made you into my caretaker."
"I want it to be. I want to take care of you. I want to be your caretaker. You and me – we're all we've got left of our family." The man patted her head, "Besides, Dad would kill me if I didn't look over his little girl."
"I'm sorry I can't get my shit together. I don't even know what I'm saying, none of it probably makes sense. I'm just rambling." She gave him a sad smile, "I–I promise I'll get my head straight so I won't have to be a burden to you."
