my journey! trying to lose some weight

I don't know ⚠️vent?⚠️

Since I am there now I feel like updating this story a bit.

I thought maybe I could say more about me?

I don't know if anyone noticed, but I used to struggle with ed (I'm over it), that's why I don't like weighing myself and having diets and exercising every day. It simply makes me feel the same way as then. I'm afraid of getting into this shit again. 

It all started when I was very young (thinking about it makes me sad). I remember being 10 years old and thinking that my 73lbs body was too much. I saw myself as someone very obsese and not worth anything. Counting calories at this age should be considered sick. 

The big struggle (I don't wanna write about everything, I don't like recalling it, but it was not pleasant) continued till I reached the age of 15. And although it sounds pretty happily, because I recovered... something did not go the way it should. Well, instead of ending with starvation and exhausting exercises, I started overeating and this is what it looked like... at first I didn't gain anything, everything was fine and then... out of sudden I saw 160 lbs on the scale. Scary, isn't it?

And to be honest, even till this day sometimes my mind tends to think the way it used to whenever I do something, but I believe most of the things got better (mostly my relationship with food). One thing I want to work on is stop constantly checking my body in every reflection possible (a window, a fucking car, tv screen... everything).

This is a little trauma? dump update so I'm putting a warning on top, because I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable