I Still Love You

5.

Jisoo POV

I could see the guilt in his eyes as soon as my words were thrown at him. Yes, I am still a little bitter with this person and I can't help it. In the back of my mind I know it's not entirely his fault and I chose to ignore that because I am selfish when it comes to the friendship of mine and his. I didn't regret what I said but his expression made me feel a little guilty. Maybe I could have handled it a little maturely but what is done is done, I can't take it back and surprisingly I don't want to. I agree that the decision was made in the favour of his career but the least he could do was be in touch with us, with me.

I just huffed and started heading towards my car. I just need to cool down first and not take any steps irrationally. I slid down in the driving seat and stared ahead while my mind was running at a speed of a thousand miles. I just can't forget the days I needed him the most, how much I longed for his warm embrace and his sweet voice telling me that everything will be alright. I felt my vision getting blurry with the unshed tears and a broken chuckle came out of my throat. I blinked my eyes to get rid of the tears for the man who doesn't even care to check up on his friends while being away. I started my car and drove away from the Lee Mansion.

Dokyeom POV

I felt the lump forming in my throat as the words kept on repeating in my mind. I just can't imagine how much jisoo hyung has suffered to say such things to me. I knew my hyung, he is not a person to say such harsh words to anyone. The crack in his voice while saying those words keeps reminding me of the time he needed me but I was not there. I let out a tired sigh and relaxed my back on the sofa while thinking of making up with him. Before coming here I was so sure that his presence will not affect me slightest but now I know how wrong I was. These five years apart from him didn't reduce an ounce of feelings I had for him. I loudly groaned at my thoughts and decided to meet Jeonghan hyung. Only he can reduce this turmoil within me. I stood up and went out of the house, got in my car and drove towards his house.

As soon as I reached, I immediately parked my car and went towards his apartment. As the elevator was going up, I was drowning in my own thoughts which were only about him. The thought of hurting him didn't sit right with me. I know it was not intentional but I always promised to be with him whenever he needed me. The ding sound of the elevator brought me back to reality and with a sigh I marched towards Jeonghan hyung's door. I rang the bell continuously and I could imagine the face of hyung while coming towards the door. The image of his frustrated face made me chuckle. The door was opened and I could see he was just about to curse the hell out of the person if it wasn't for me standing at his door.

" Oh, Dokyeom-ah. What are you doing here? Come inside." He invited me and immediately made myself at home. He was not even surprised with my behaviour as it was my hold habit and I realised habits never go on with time.
" I missed this couch so much hyung. I am relieved that you haven't replaced it." He chuckled at my remark and came with a glass of water in his hand. He passed it to me and took a seat beside me. "What is bothering you Dokyeom-ah?" He suddenly asked and I choked on the water and started coughing. He patted my back with concern in his eyes and eventually I calmed down. I just looked at him and remembered how I used to come to his house to seek his embrace and advice whenever something bothered me.

"I-I -" I just couldn't understand what to tell him. I just can't expose my feelings for Jisoo hyung to him. I kept it a secret for so long and I intend to keep it that way. " I'm just tired hyung. I know I hurt you all a lot and now I don't know how to make up for all." I replied with a shake in my voice. Hyung just smiled at me and held my hand in his soft hand, " Dokyeom-ah, everything needs time to go back to how they were. Give it some time and everything will be fine." He said softly and I just nodded at his words and somehow I felt a little relaxed.

"And I know Jisoo is really hurt and is really upset by you but he can't stay away from his Dokyeom-ie for long. You know when you were not here, he used to cry a lot and would also curse you to leave him. There was not a single day he didn't ask me about you. Just give him some time and clear up the misunderstanding with him soon." He added and I was stunned because he exactly said what I wanted to hear and I just looked at him with wide eyes. He chuckled after seeing my expression. " I know a lot more than you think Dokyeom-ah." he remarked with a smirk and I just knew what he was pointing at but I decided to ignore it as I was not sure. I just shrugged off his remark and thanked him with a hug. He gladly returned it with a smile. Oh how much I missed this,I just can't imagine how I survived those five years without these people. I pulled back and smiled at him and told him that I will be leaving as I have some work to do. He nodded and walked me to the front door, I left with a final wave of hand and headed towards my car.

I need to make everything right. I just can't depend on the time to take care of everything. I needed to find Jisoo and clear this misunderstanding, I don't care if he curses at me or even beats me, as long as he removes all the pent up frustration. I immediately made my way towards hyung's house. I just can't wait to make everything right. I can't have what I actually want and I am okay with it, but I don't want to lose him as a friend. I can't even imagine him not being in my life, I can't take a risk over our friendship just because of my feelings. My feelings are really important for me but he is more important and I will make sure that he knows that. I made hime feel like he was nothing to me for the past five years but not anymore.

I parked my car in front of his building and went out and headed towards the entrance but I halted in my track at the scene in front of me. There he was standing in the embrace of someone else with his eyes close as if he was seeking comfort in him. I felt a sense of jealousy in my body and even though I am at no place to feel that emotion but I can't help it. They pulled apart and the other male cupped his hyung's face and it was the signal for me to leave the place as I can't bear to look hyung kissing someone else. It hurts, it hurts so much that I didn't know when I started crying as I walked towards my car. I kicked the tier in sadness and frustration. I know I was acting weird but the memories from the past started surfacing on my mind and I can't just forget how I had to pretend that he was happy for his Jisoo hyung and how that led him to leave the country without informing anyone. I wiped my tears harshly and made a vow to myself,

"This time I won't pretend."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Namaste everyone!
I hope you enjoy reading this chapter.
Do tell me your thoughts about this story.