Spin

Thirty-One

[FINN]

I'd no clue what time it was when Rory suddenly stirred. My eyes had long since adjusted to the darkness, darting over towards the lump in the bed across the room. A muffled groan from under the sheets, flailing limbs ripping them off, and a half-conscious jog to the bathroom.

I swallowed down my lingering emotions, instincts kicking in.

I heard her before I saw her, confirming my suspicions. She'd not bothered to even turn on the light, crouched over the toilet in clear misery. My chest ached for more reasons than one as I quietly walked over, leaning down and pulling her knotty hair back away from her face.

"Finn..." she whimpered, looking up at me and shaking her head. "Please, I don't want you seeing me like this."

I didn't have a chance to respond, nor did she have one to press the subject, as she was immediately getting sick again. I stayed with her through it, hoping for both of our sakes that she was getting rid of the last of it.

When she sat back, opting to rest her forehead on the toilet seat, I took that as my time to slip away. I gathered the necessities – a cold water bottle, Paracetamol, my softest t-shirt. She mumbled something unintelligible as I handed her all of it, helping her to her feet. We didn't speak but she obliged me as I guided her over to the sink, encouraging her to take her makeup off, brush her teeth and strip out of her outfit from the previous night.

She was weak and still half asleep as she finished up and I took it as my cue, gently wrapping my arms around her back and knees respectively as I picked her up and carried her back to bed. I tucked her in, surprised when she took hold of my wrist as I went to walk away.

"Stay. Get in bed, please?"

She'd no clue how much the hesitant request meant to be as I rounded the other side, climbing under the covers beside her. I slowly scooted a bit closer, sighing in quiet relief as she met me in the middle, allowing me to wrap my arms around her and spoon her.

While Rory slept, I vacantly stared at the ceiling fan – counting its rotations, counting the blades, counting how many people I was constantly letting down. Sleep was progressively becoming the exception when it came to my nightly activities and I was feeling its absence more and more.

I could feel Rory's heart steadily beating underneath my palm, my arm wrapped around her neck and holding her tightly to my chest. Every thud was a reminder that she was mine, she was here, and she was upset with me. No matter how complicated things had become, I'd let her down. Above all else, I'd hurt the one person that I never, ever intended to. That reality made me sick because looking back, I knew there wasn't much I could have changed. Not really, anyway.

I held onto her as she slept, and I held onto her when she woke up again, watching helplessly as she tugged out of my grip and ran back to the bathroom. While she was getting sick, I made a promise to myself – to her, that nothing would be more important while she was still in town. I reached over to the nightstand, turning my phone off and doing my best to ignore the impending doom that ensued.

"You alright?"

Rory grunted, making her way back to the bed like a zombie. Though the sight was quite amusing, I couldn't muster enough happiness to grin. She laid back down and let me tug her closer, nuzzling her face onto my chest and passing out shortly after.

-

I dozed off for a brief while, pulled under to a dark place that was somehow worse than reality. I was thankful to say the least when Rory shifted, unknowingly saving me from the nightmare.

The sun was shining brightly through the windows, illuminating Rory beside me. Her expression was difficult to read as she played with the ends of her hair, avoiding my gaze.