Loser (Jensoo)

"She's not my girlfriend!"

Thanksgiving comes earlier than expected.

Lots of stressful assignments. Lots of studying.

Along with lots of love letters that I realized I can't send to Jennie anonymously anymore.

I learnt my lesson but I can only process my feelings by writing them down or telling someone. And telling Lisa about my love for Jennie doesn't seem to be working anymore when she's so caught up in her own confused feelings over Roseanne. I don't want to add more to her plate.

So I just write down whatever I'm feeling about her every couple of days.

***

Jennie,

I hope you understand how much I don't want to sound like a creep but I could stare at you all day.

Like I draw very well and I wish I could draw you. Your hair. Your eyes. Your smile.

But I know I would ruin it because I can't draw anything that I love.

***

To Jennie,

Gosh. Fourteen notes about feelings I can't hold inside anymore.

But I'm so happy with these feelings.

It's weird to think about but you're like a happy pill for me.

I could be having the worst day ever. I could be studying until my eyes fall closed themselves. I could be bored out of my mind and scrolling Instagram like a zombie.

But one text from you sends my heart into a frenzy and causes a smile to make its way on my lips. I feel lighter. I feel stronger.

Honestly, I want you to just be happy and I'll be happy too.

***

To Jennie,

Being in love with you is like being in love with the ocean.

I see you and my heart races in fear and joy.

Fear because of all the hurt you could cause me. You could crash into my life and turn everything I have upside down.

Joy because you are so calmly bewitching. You seep into my life and taint everything I have until all I feel is you.

***

Everything reminds me of her and I honestly have no idea how long these feelings will be there but I just love the way I am with them.

And I love the way I'm slowly becoming more confident around her.

I get a call from Jennie in the early afternoon as my family and I play a board game at home before Thanksgiving dinner with just the four of us.

"Hello?" I ask into the phone.

//"Hey Jisoo! Are you free right now?"

I get eye contact with my mom and she smiles. "Jisoo is quitting!"

My brother, Sooho, frowns and looks at me on the phone. His face dawns in realization. He winks and I can see my dad smirk as I stand up.

I roll my eyes at my family and run upstairs to my room. I close the door and say, "What's up?"