Smalltown Boy

Paper sheets

TW self harm

10:21

Bill was in the small bus bathroom for one hour now.
He was sitting on the floor, feeling the wheels of the bus moving through the plastic floor.
His vision was dark, all he was seeing was his bloody arms, he knew it would be hard now to hide them.

He looked up at the ceiling trying to keep those tears inside of his eyes. he gripped the toilet seat to help himself getting up. he pushed on his bloody arms to put himself on his legs.

He positioned himself right, closing his eyes as he felt like he was about to fall again.
He opened them again to see himself on the mirror, he just moved on his left, the bathroom was this small.

He didn't even know how, but a few tears of blood were also on the mirror. He panicked, not wanting anyone to discover about it.
He bent down opening every cabinet one by one trying to find a black towel.

He spent 10 mins making sure everything was cleaned, not even caring about his own arms being clean.

In the cabinets he also found a roll of bandages.
he rolled his left arm up into a few layers of bandage and did the same with his right one, it was a bit more hard  because he was not used to use his left arm to do something.

His arms were too hurt to even hold a tooth brush, they felt so numb.
He tried brushing his teeth as much as he could, looking at how miserable he was.
He looked even more pale, his eyeliner was making him look like a living skull.
His holes on his cheeks were honestly scaring him.
He scared his own self in every ways possible.

After a while, he finally found the courage to get out of the bathroom, seeing everyone in the small living room.

"We thought you fell asleep on the floor!" David laughed as he kept his eyes on the TV. He wouldn't raise his eyes for anything, a girl in bikini was on the screen. It was reminding Bill of his dear big brother.

"No, i was just..taking a long shower." Bill bit on his bottom lip, hoping his lie would be believed by everyone, and it did.
Another part of him hoped someone would realise it was a lie and come confront him, and maybe help him.

Amari didn't believe anything though, he got up and walked next to Bill whispering to Bill to come join him in his bunk.
The singer just sighed and walked to Amari's small bed.

"Your hair is dry, and i didn't even hear the water fall, tell me now." Amari calmly asked as he closed the curtains of his bunk.

"Nothing, stop Amari." Bill yelled back rolling his eyes, making sure his sleeves were down.
The raven haired boy just walked away again, not wanting to stay close to Amari, he got what he needed anyway, xanax and his lovely syringes, at least that's what he thought.

3:39

PARC DES PRINCES PARIS

David planned a meet and greet with fans as an apology from the band about the bad performance during the last concerts.
Bill was obviously under heroin, but no one seemed to care, and Tom wasn't aware enough about drugs and the effects to understand that his brother was totally high.

Bill indeed had tired eyes. He had to sign little cards and zimmer 483 CDS for hours.
It was hard to sign with his right arm still hurting.
His vision was as always blurry, but at some point he got used to it.

Anxiety wasn't in his head, all the xanax pills and the two doses of heroin injected in his veins were beating every kind of fear or anxiety.
His head was only hurting, he just wanted to sleep forever. His body felt so heavy, yet it lost so much weight the last months, no one saw it, under his flared pants and his leather jackets.