Chapter 4: Haruto's Memories pt.2
GUIDE IN READING
╰┈➤ ❝ [Normal=Present]
╰┈➤ ❝ [Italic=Past]
𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐛𝐞 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐨'𝐬
The one week storm seems to go with my emotions. The rain hammered against the windowpane, a relentless rhythm mimicking the beat of my frantic heart. Jeongwoo used to love the rain. He'd stand by the window, mesmerized, a childlike wonder in his eyes as the droplets chased each other down the glass. I'd hold him close then, his laughter warming me more than any blanket ever could. Now, the rain mirrored the storm raging inside me, a tempest born from regret so profound it threatened to consume me whole.
The flickering lamplight cast long, grotesque shadows on the walls of my sterile apartment. Everywhere I looked, I saw phantoms of Jeongwoo's smile, heard echoes of his infectious laughter. It had been 2 years since we... since I'd ended us. A year of suffocating silence, a suffocating emptiness that no amount of material comfort in this sterile apartment could quell.
The stupid ultimatum echoed in the hollowness of my chest. Her or him. My parents, their ironclad grip on my future, or the man who painted galaxies in my heart. I'd crumbled, a coward masquerading as a dutiful son, letting societal expectations and the weight of tradition rip apart the one love that made my life worth living.
The memory of that night surfaced, a cruel spotlight on my darkest moment. Jeongwoo's eyes, usually sparkling with warmth, had been clouded with a storm of unshed tears. His voice, normally a melody that soothed my soul, had been laced with a tremor that scraped against my already fractured conscience.
"Is this... is this really it?" His voice, barely a whisper, shattered the dam holding back my own tears. I looked away, unable to bear the sight of the love slowly draining from his eyes.
"We can't... We can't do this, Haruto." There was a desperate plea in his voice, a plea I couldn't answer. The words that tumbled out of my mouth were laced with a coldness that even I didn't recognize.
"There is no 'we' anymore, Jeongwoo. Don't make this harder than it has to be." God, how I hated the sound of my own voice, devoid of the love that used to thrum through every word I spoke to him.
The silence that followed was a deafening roar. I saw the flicker of understanding dawn in his eyes, followed by a wave of crushing despair that washed over his features. Then, with a quiet dignity that shattered the last vestiges of my resolve, he turned and walked away.
I didn't try to stop him. A part of me, the selfish, cowardly part, wanted him to fight for us. But the other, more honest part, knew that I didn't deserve his fight. I didn't deserve him.
The irony, sharp and cruel, twisted the knife in my gut. The arranged marriage, the reason I'd thrown Jeongwoo away, had crumbled to dust a month after our break up. The woman my parents deemed "suitable" had baulked at the idea of a loveless marriage. She'd seen the hollowness in my eyes, the ghost of a love that refused to be buried, and she'd walked away.
Leaving me with nothing but the deafening silence and the echo of a love I'd discarded like yesterday's newspaper.
The rain continued its relentless assault on the window, a melancholic soundtrack to the montage of memories that played on repeat in my mind. Our first meeting, a chance encounter at a bustling street corner, our eyes locking across the crowd, a spark igniting between us. The stolen moments, the whispered secrets, the way his laughter could chase away any darkness. The lazy Sundays spent curled up together, just two souls basking in the warmth of each other's presence.
A choked sob escaped my lips, tears finally spilling down my face, hot and unwelcome. The dam had broken, and the torrent of grief I'd been holding back for a year came crashing down. I sank to the floor, the cold embrace of the tile a stark contrast to the warmth of Jeongwoo's arms that I craved with a desperation that bordered on physical pain.
Everywhere I looked, I saw reminders of him. The worn teddy bear he'd won for me at a carnival, its fur matted with love. The framed photo on the bookshelf, a picture of us at the beach, his smile blindingly bright against the azure sky. The melody that drifted from my phone speaker, a song that had been "our song," now a searing indictment of my stupidity.
"Jeongwoo," I rasped, his name a desperate plea into the void.
The silence mocked me. My calls had gone unanswered for months, a testament to the wall he'd rightfully built between us. He deserved happiness, a love that wouldn't crumble under the weight of societal pressure. A love I couldn't offer.
"I'm in a maze I can't get out of"
"I have a disease called you"
"No matter what I do, no matter what I see, even if I cry as much as I want"
"It's an incurable disease"
I stared at the window as the song continues to connect to my inner feelings and thoughts.
"I'm drowning in a sea where I can't see the light"
"I have a disease called you"
"No matter what I do, no matter what I see, even if I cry as much as I want"
"It's a disease that I will never forget"
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Our Story | HaJeongwoo
Fanfictionᯓᡣ𐭩 [Two stories in One Book] [Heavily Edited] Story #1: Haruto and Jeongwoo have been inseparable since childhood, their bond as strong as the summer sun. As they navigate the transition from adolescence to young adulthood, a spark ignites between...
