Nothing Without You: Emerson Barrett Fanfic

Chapter Four

* A bit of a time skip here just to break in August that was mentioned in the previous chapter*

⚠️ TW: Mentions of abuse, drugs, death, SA. Proceed at your own risk ⚠️

August. Finally. It was finally break time and my birthday was coming up in three days. Not that it was a big deal. I hardly ever celebrated it, but this year I kind of hoped it would be different. I will be with Emerson and maybe, just maybe we could do something fun together. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. Maybe we could go to the beach or something. I didn't want to do anything that would cost money. Honestly, I hated when he spent money on me because I knew he didn't have much. I wasn't a gold digger. No, I loved him for him. The fact that he was a musician was just a bonus. Hell, we could just stay at my place and he could sing to me and I would be happy. 

Currently, we both lay on my bed watching whatever he had put on. I wasn't watching it as much as I was watching him. How did I get so fucking lucky? He was the definition of a God. Perfect in every aspect of life and I get to love him for the rest of mine. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared shitless. What if he realized how imperfect I was? I mean surely he saw that didn't he? Or did he love me so much he could look past it? What if he found out about my rocky past and decided he couldn't love someone as broken as me? But then again he came from a rocky background too. So maybe he really could look past that part? Remington had told me stories of their childhood, but I was never brave enough to share mine. Maybe one day... my mind raced with all the possibilities of losing him to someone better. Someone prettier. Someone...normal. 

Suddenly I didn't hear the TV and that snapped me from my thoughts. "Penny for your thought m'lady?" He smiled looking at me. Of course, he had noticed me in my brain. God, sometimes I wish I could escape it, but sometimes it's just so hard. 

"I was just thinking... about us. About the future." I admitted.

"Well, what about us? You're not having second thoughts are you?" He looked at me worried.

"No. No silly boy. I am just worried." 

"About what baby? You can be open with me. I'm the last person who will judge you."

"What if you find someone better? Someone prettier and not as...broken as I am?" 

"Charlene." He takes my face in both of his hands so that I am facing him with no escape. 

"Yes?"

"There is no one better. You are everything I ever wanted in a soulmate and more. You see past the money. You see past the fame. You just see me as Emerson. The man you love." 

"I come from a really bad background and I am so scared that it will resurface and you will run away."

He chuckles softly. "Charlie.. you've heard the stories of my past. You think I'd judge you for yours?" 

"Yes. I don't want to be that person, but I can assure you mine was way worse. You had your mom to protect you. Em.. I had no one.. No one cared about me.. I was the mistake. The burden. And to this day I am constantly reminded of how much of a mistake I am. How much of a burden I am." I could feel the tears welling up now, but there was no turning back. I was going to share my story with the one person I loved so much. "I was eleven when it started getting worse. My mother had just passed away from an overdose. Both my parents were hardcore users. Mom more than Dad. That is until she passed. I knew from the start they never wanted kids. My mother constantly reminded me how I had fucked up her body and how much she hated me for it. My father would constantly hit me, sometimes it would be so bad I would pass out. I was barely seven when it first started, but at least he waited that long. Right?" I let out a weak laugh before continuing. "The week she passed away, was also the week my dad had lost his job. He was a junkie, but he kept it on the down low so he could keep a job to pay for their habits. But now his job was gone, mom was gone and no income was there to support the habit. That is until he arranged with his dealer. A couple hours a week with me, and he could have all the drugs he wanted. I remember begging and pleading with him not to go through with it. Not to let this grown man have his way with me, but he didn't care. He got his fix and didn't have to deal with me. At first, it started okay. I mean it wasn't okay...but he.. he didn't touch me.. On my twelfth birthday, I remember coming home from school only for Dad's dealer to be there waiting for me. It was the worst birthday I ever had. Again he never touched me.. but he.. he made me touch him.. When I got to high school I made a couple of friends. Not many. Too many people knew about my family.. what my dad had done to me. But Lily. God Lily was a lifesaver. Her dad was ex-military. He was fantastic. He didn't question me when I turned eighteen and asked to borrow his gun. He knew what I had been through. He helped me get rid of the bodies. Emerson...I killed my father and that bastard that laid hands on me." 

I took a deep breath finally opening my eyes. His hands were still on my face and his expression matched mine. He wore a pained expression and tear-streaked cheeks. "Charlene.. I still love you. God damnit do I ever. I am so fucking sorry that ever happened to you. I know my words can't change it, but just know that I'm not leaving you. I am going to stay by your side. I don't love you any less for what happened. I don't love you any less for what you did. If you didn't who knows what else that man would have done to you. Mainly at a legal age." I closed my eyes once more feeling his lips on mine. I kissed back. 

"You know.. you're my first relationship. I've never kissed anyone. Never had sexual relations with anyone." 

"Don't worry darling. I am going to be here forever. I am going to love you properly and take everything at your own pace. Don't worry about not satisfying me. You alone satisfy me. Just being able to breathe the same air as you is an honor." He placed a kiss on my forehead pulling me down to snuggle. 

"So.. I was thinking that maybe you could move in? As you're a birthday present to me." I blushed a bit. 

"Well.. I already have a present planned for you, but I would love to move in."