FROM NEVER TO HAPPILY EVER!

17.

Suman Malik.

What on earth is your problem Summi? Can you stop thinking about him? For fuck's sake, he's been constantly on my mind ever since I got up entangled in his arms. It's just arms Suman, have you never seen them before?

Desperation ki bhi hadd hoti hai.

Now as I sit idly on the humungous couch scrolling through the television, I feel even worse for shouting at him early in the morning.

Flashback.

Oh my God! Not again. I hastily get up from the bed and in the process also awaken him while getting his arms off me. He blinks cutely, trying to decipher his surroundings.

"What's wrong?", he asks me in his raspy, loud voice. I jerk his hand away from my body and stand up.

"Get up! And get out!" I walk towards the bathroom, trying to hide my embarrassment. How can I just fall asleep in his arms like he is my safe haven. When he is the actual villain.

"Suman. Magar hua kya hai? Subah subah chilla kyu rahi ho?", he is speaking as if we are a normal couple. Oh wait until I give him a reality check.

My bladder can wait, "Kya kaha apne? Chilla kyu rahi hu? Ap soye kyu mere paas? Maine to apko permission nahi di thi. Kis haq se soye the? Main chuhe se dar gayi is baat ka fayda utha liya apne?" I shout in his face, his features turn guarded but he still doesn't say anything.

Technically tune mana bhi to nahi kia tha na Suman jab wo tere paas aye the, yaad kar kaise chipak rahi thi kal raat ko.

"Sorry! Mai aj se guest room me so jaunga." And with that he walks out of the room, with drooping shoulders.

Flashback ends.

It's been four hours to that incident and I still can't get over it. He looked so dejected when I shouted at him. He didn't even defend himself. Ugh! Why did I have to shout at him? Now I feel guilty. Whatever. He's none of my business.

Evening time, I decide to cook food and despite trying not to, I ended up making his favourite Italian cuisine.

I wait for him while vaguely trying to apply for a job, I am least interested in one. When it's 10, I decide I am done waiting for him. And grab a plate to feed myself. Why is he not home yet? I don't even have his number. How will I know he is fine?

Two more hours later, i finally heard the door squeaking slowly. I instantly open my eyes and sit up, waiting to see him. His disheveled hair and popped button catch my attention faster than they should. Did he go to a club again?

"Mujhe laga tha ap mere convocation ke liye aye hai. Magar ap to ladkiyo ke sath party karne ke li-"

"Stop. Mai ek deal close kar rha tha isliye late hogya. Khilb me kuch naye imports add karwane the to uski meeting thi. Wahi tha, aur kahi nai", he speaks monotonously and then begins to walk towards the guest room.

Stop spitting whatever comes to your brain Suman. He is not a playboy, he just loves Huda api. Fuck it. I upset him too much today, atleast I will offer him food. I slowly walk towards the guest room, thinking of how to ask him to eat. Whoa! Like you are speaking to him for the first time.

"Nahi. Mujhe samai lag raha hai yaha par. Huda tum aur Sahir sambhal lo kal ka event, mai nahi aa paunga. Ha maine kha liya hai khana. Tum bhi sojao, Khuda Hafiz", the way he talks to her. Like he is talking to his wife, when I am standing here.

Tears unknowingly begin streaming down my face and I run back towards my bedroom.

Fuck you Gaddi Nasheen! You will always be hung over Huda api. I hate you. I hate you so much. I scream into my pillow, trying to ease the ache in my body.

Next morning, I throw away the dinner I made him, promising never to cook for him ever again. Then knock at his door, waiting for him.

He opens the door with the same clothes on, he didn't even change and from the bags under his eyes he wasn't sleeping.

I ignore the urge to ask if he slept, "Mujhe talak chahiye. Aur ap agli flight se Khilb wapis ja rahe hai."

I make a poor show of strutting away like it was a cake walk for me, yet I am glad the impact of my words has him paralysed. Unknowingly, my steps slow down at the corridor before he loses sight of me, this is not a soap opera Suman that he will stop you.

"Suman! Tum jo bhi chahti ho, wahi hoga. Bas ek baar meri baat sunlo. Mai jab se aya hun, sirf ek pal ka intezar kar rha tha ki tum ek dafa meri baat sunogi. Mai tumhara gunehgar hun, beshak mafi ke layak bhi nahi magar kya ek baar meri kahani sunogi?" The desperation in his voice cracks the facade I have on, but what's caught up more with me is the lack of warmth in his tone.

Like, it was plain when he said Suman, not like he would drawl the syllables with utmost admiration before. It's as if he is disappointed in me, when the only person that can be disappointed in this whole situation is me.

He closes the gap between us, grabbing my arm delicately as he gently treads towards his room. He makes me sit at the edge of the bed.

Then with his head hung low, he squats on the floor before me, keeping his gaze at my feet.

"Gaddi Nasheen! Apko ye karne ki zarurat nahi hai. Bed par baith kar bataiye", I urge trying to pull him.

He looks up, and all I can see is a man who has lost everything, his eyes show the despair, the guilt, the shame.

"Nahi Suman. Ammi ne kaha tha, Insan ka kad uske audhe se nahi balki uske karm se uncha hota hai. Aur aj, tumhari barabari karne ki aukat nahi hai meri.

Bachpan se hi Huda aur mai dost the, aur mujhe hamesha laga tha wo Mallika-e-Khilb ke taqht ke liye ek dam sahi hai. To jab ammi ne tumse Nikah karne ka huqm dia, mai boukhla gaya tha. Magar mai unke mutazad kabhi nai gaya. Aur Nikah wali raat, tumne khud kha ki Huda loutegi to tum taqht chod dogi. Aur us waqt mujhe lga ki tum bhi khush nhi ho, to yahi sahi rahega.

Aur do saal me tumse jo dosti hui, mujhe lga tha wo miya biwi wala to rishta nahi hai. Magar un do saalo, me kab mai is Nikah ko maan baitha mujhe khud uska ehsas nahi tha. Jab Huda wapis ayi, mujhe ek ajeeb sa khalipan mehsus hota tha aur is baat ko Huda bakhubi samaj gyi thi.

Aur wo kya ehsas tha, ye mujhe usne tumhare Khilb chodne ke baad samjhaya!"

I jerk my hand out of his, trying to simmer my rising anger, "Mujhe apki aur Huda ki prem kahani me koi interest nahi hai. Samjhe ap? Kitne besharam hai ap, mai talaq ki baat kar rhi hu aur ap ab bhi behaya mardo ki tara ap dono ki love story sunane me hai. Mere jane ke baad ap dono ke beech kya hua, kitne kareeb aa-- aah!", before I can finish shouting he shuts my mouth with his lips, his hands grabbing my waist and pulling me onto his chest. I fall on him, as he continues to devour my lips.