FROM NEVER TO HAPPILY EVER!

14.

Hooriya.

I knock the door a second time. I came here the moment sunrays hit the land, not like I could sleep a wink anyway. I hear the rustling of sheets on the other end before the door is unlocked. It's pushed open and I come face to face with the one man I never wanted to see again. But all wants cannot be fulfilled now, can they?

His face registers the shock soon, he seems to be frozen in his place.

I push him aside, vowing never to touch him again after this as I enter the room. His bedroom. Where I was never allowed. I am getting it all now, it was reserved for his second wife, his real wife.

I walk to the middle of the room with a stoic face, not showing anything. He follows suit, standing a few feet away from me. I look up in his confused eyes, without an expression on his face also I could always read his eyes.

"I was just here to say a few things. I am not sure Abbaji would appreciate what I am going to say so I thought of telling it only to you." I say smiling professionally. He gets even more confused. Not for long.

"I heard what you said yesterday on the table. I am sorry for barging out like that, it's just my stomach was upset. Anyway, I just wanted to tell that you have made the right decision. Although, you don't need it, I still give you my full permission to marry again. According to Islam, you can marry again under only a few restricted circumstances and you also need your first wife's permission. So yeah, you have my permission. Go ahead. Pursue her." I look straight into his eyes while saying this and try keeping my tone as cool as possible.

I see realisation dawning upon him, instead of being happy he seems angry. His face turns into a painful expression. This might be the first time I am seeing anything apart from a clenched jaw. His eyes darken, and the words are clearly visible in them.

'So that's it? You will give me up just like that? Without a fight? Is it that easy for you to leave me? Did you ever consider me you husband?'

Like I said, I learnt to read his eyes long ago, that was the only means of communication with him.

Why is he angry anyway? Isn't that what he wanted? To get rid of me. He should be happy now.

His breathing becomes harsh and he steps ahead, his hand coming forward but I hold it. I release my hold quickly and move back from him. Keep it together Hooriya. Don't let emotions get in the way.

"Also, you don't have to worry about the peace treaty you signed with Sarjung. I will continue to be the leverage for the sake of peace. That's why we can't divorce for now, but don't worry there has to be a loophole. We will sort this out fast. I will make sure Abba doesn't react harshly to the news. " I finish my well planned speech and make my escape fast, before I breakdown again.

I run to my room, shutting it close. Tears stream down my eyes as I try to get his broken look out of my mind. It's so hard, so damn hard to forget that pain in his eyes. The vulnerability he exposed me to. But it's late, too late.

I don't care about him anymore. He lost me the moment he thought of another woman. He is not mine for me to take his pain into consideration.  I will completely eliminate him from my mind and soul. I will. I have to if I want to survive.

I have been naive a one too many times to not know his games. He enjoys the upper hand he gets when he sees me in pain. I won't let that happen. I will happily decorate the haveli with my own hands for his Nikaah if it comes down to that. But I will not show him my true feelings anymore. He isn't worthy of them. He never will be.

But I do wish he has a happy married life with her. Sabrina. The one name I will forever remember. With bitter memories. With a heavy heart. With anger, with pain and with betrayal. The one name that changed the course of my destiny. Or maybe it was always like this. Maybe we were never meant to be.

I have fought. Fought too hard for him. To gain his trust, to gain his love. But not anymore. I can't. I just can't.

Main haargai  Asad. Aapki nafrat, aapki zid, aapka gussa. Main har cheez bardasht karleti lekin ek sautan. Ye main nahin bardasht karungi. Kisi haal mein nahin.

I wipe all the tears when I hear a knock on the door. The next moment Abbaji's figure stands before me with a sorry look. I just smile at him. He sits down on the chair closest to me. I get from the ground sitting before him. I place my head in his lap, more sobs racking through my body. He pats my head until I have emptied all my ducts.

"Don't cry, beta. It is my fault, maybe I lacked somewhere in raising him into a perfect man. I am guilty, ready to take any punishment you have for me." Abbaji's remorseful voice is enough to make me feel guilty. It's not his fault his son doesn't like me enough to keep me as a wife. It's not his fault I couldn't manage to make a place in Asad's heart in the months I had. It's definitely not his fault that I feel in love with the wrong man.

I shake my head, "Abbaji, none of this is your fault. It's just destiny is a cruel thing. Don't worry, I am sure his new wife will also take care of the haveli." I try to pacify him for lack of better words.

"No, Hooriya. You can't let him marry again. I will not let that happen. I will disown him if he does anything like that." Abbaji roars.

"Abbaji! Please don't do anything like that. This is my decision, I have given him permission to marry again. Please don't interfere with this. I know you have my best interest in mind, but you can't control anyone's life. He is free to make his decisions. And so am I. I have already told all this to him but what I haven't fold him is I will leave for Sarjung the day he gets married to her. I need your support in this Abbaji." I state as calmly as I can manage. Abbaji looks very disappointed in my decision. I look towards Saroj Chachi who has been standing at the door all along, eyeing her to deal with him.

She comes in, "Wo theek keh rahi hai Khan sahab. Asad is not a kid anymore. He can make his own decisions, his own mistakes. Please try to understand." she pleads to him and Abbaji storms out of the room after that. Saroj Chachi pats my head and goes after him.

I slump on my bed, things are just getting worse.

I am pathetic. Too pathetic to not ask him for a divorce after what he told yesterday. But I can't, I don't have it in me to get a divorce, at least I can't make the first move.

Why does it hurt to so bad? It feels like a knife has been pierced into my guts, as if I am stuck in a confined room with scarcity of oxygen and there are just too many men to breathe. I know now what it feels like when your world is about to be collapse and all you can do is wait.

Wait for the impending doom. You are my destined doom Asad Raheem Khan. And I would be damned if I had it any other way.