HANNI & HER WAYS || Bbangsaz

The fascinating kiss

Nji, Nji look!"

"What is it Hanni?"

"Look at this snail! It's crawling up my arm!"

Nji moved her tiny little legs closer to me, and sat beside me on the puddle. We were both covered in mud, my dress wrinkled, and her overalls were soaking from jumping on the water earlier. Nji and I were playing by the small playground, at the back of the church. She was waiting for her grandma, and I was waiting for my mommy.

I just met her this summer, and she's
been showing up every Sunday at church with her grandparents, ever since. After mass, we would stay because of a fund raising event that parents, and her grandparents organized. Minjielle, Jake, and Sunghoon played with us a little bit, but they would always go home before us.

I find Nji a little annoying because she follows me everywhere, but I'm glad that she was there to keep me company.

"Hanni that looks gross!"

"Don't call him gross, you might hurt his feelings!" I scolded my friend, frowning at her. "I think it's fascinating!" I whispered in awe, and giggling at the snail on forearm.

"What does that word mean?" She asked, poking the snail. Nji then looked at me curiously, her head slightly slanted.

"Fascinating is like... Like..." I searched for a similar word in my mind, frowning as I concentrated. "It's like getting ice cream."

"Like, happy?" She asked.

"Kind of." I replied, and carefully grabbed the snail, to let it go on the ground, making sure that he gets his own way. I smiled at Nji sheepishly, shy that I couldn't tell her what it actually means.

"Well then, I think you're fascinating." Said Nji, and giving me a wide grin. I guffawed, and nudged her playfully.

I've been meaning to use that word, because I learned it from my dad when he told me that ostriches lay gigantic eggs.

"Did you know, ostriches lay giant eggs?" I asked her out of the blue.

"Yeah! I saw them on TV. I bet we could sit on it just like hens, and wait for them to hatch!"

"You're right!" I said, nodding my head and grinning. "I bet we could!"

Nji and I continued the conversation, laughing at our silly ideas, and ran around the puddles again. It was really fun, because it feels as if we were on the top of the world.

"Hey, Hanni. I'm gonna miss you." She said, as she followed my trail, jumping from puddle to puddle, our arms linked.

"Why? Where are you going?" I asked, suddenly concerned. I stopped, and she bumped her head on my shoulder. I turned and held her hand, frowning.

"Well, I don't really live here, I live far away. I'm just visiting my grandma and grandpa." She said with a smile, swinging my arm happily. "But don't worry! They said that I could visit anytime, like during the holidays!"

"But how far away?" I asked, feeling upset. I could feel my lips trembling, and I know that I was going to cry very soon.

"Hey, don't cry." She said, holding both of my arms now. "I'm gonna come back, you know."

"O-okay." I said, biting my lip, trying to calm myself down.

"Nji? Oh my goodness look at you! You're covered in mud!" Nji's grandma called out from the church. My mom was with her, and laughing at us.
They announced that it was time to go, and I felt myself grip Nji's hand again. The closer we approached our parents, the tighter my grip became. I was afraid that she would disappear at any second, and I was afraid that I might lose a friend.

Nji didn't seem to mind my hand-holding. She was gripping back, and when she turned to smile at me again, I knew that she was sad as well. Her smile didn't reach her eyes, and I wondered how could someone be that brave?

When she let go of my hand, I was seriously upset. But I didn't voiced it out. I could only look down, and wish that Nji would stay longer.

"It's time to say goodbye now." Said my mom, as she wiped my muddy face and hands with a warm wet towel.

"But mommy, I don't wanna say goodbye." I whispered, and glancing at Nji and her grandma, who was also wiping her hands and face with a towel. "I don't wanna say goodbye, because I know I'll see her again. She said so. I'll see her again, right?"

I caught Nji's eyes, and I could feel longing. Then, Nji looked away, and that broke my heart.

When Nji and her grandma were about to walk away, I couldn't take it anymore and I started to sob again. My mom had to hold me down, because I wanted to run up to Nji and take her hand in mine again, and tell her that she could live with us.

But I knew that wasn't going to happen because Nji was now crying as well.

Nji was obediently hugging her grandma when she was carried away, and the eye contact she gave me was so sad, that it made me sad, that I wanted to go over there to clarify again that she was going to come back.

I muster up all of my strengths to be free from my mother's grip, and when I did, Nji had done the same.

We forced out tiny little legs to run as fast as we could towards each other, and soon, Nji and I were locked in an embrace. She was crying on my shoulder, and I was crying on her shoulder.

Her grandma and my mom let us be for a moment, but we both knew that it was really time to say goodbye.

"Goodbye." I said, my voice so small, I wasn't sure if she heard it.

"Goodbye, Hanni." She replied, her voice just as small.

She pulled back from the embrace, and quickly kissed my lips. It was so fast, that I wasn't sure if it happened or not.   I blinked, and before I knew it, Nji was running away from me.

"I'll see you again, I promise!" She yelled when she reached her grandma from across the playground.

I managed a wave with one hand, and my other hand was touching my lips, wanting to finding the spot where she kissed me.

I didn't realize, that I have stopped crying.

*

"I think you're fascinating." Said Minji, who was laughing at my odd food combination of cornflakes, and cheese macaroni as lunch.

I was shaking in red cayenne peppers on it, when what Minji said suddenly strikes me as familiar.

"Pardon?" I asked, staring at her intently, figuring out why I felt so weirded out by this all of a sudden.

"I said, I think you're fascinating." Minji repeated. I must've been staring too long, because she then gripped my arm, and said, "Are you alright?"

But I didn't pay attention to the question. I was busy staring at her hand.

It was so weird. It was so familiar. It's like I was in a dream, and I don't know if I'm in real life or not. I couldn't get my mind into it. Either I'm catching a fever, and possibly the flu, or I'm becoming insane because of the sleepless nights that I've been having.

"I'm fine." I said, snapping out of it and shoving a mouthful of my food in my mouth. "Just really hungry." I added, and tapped my stomach to indicate that I'm starving.

As if on cue, my stomach growled loudly, which made Minji laugh. I, on the other hand had blushed.

Because only I, know that it was not hunger that made my stomach growl.

It was a wave of overwhelming butterflies that I felt when Minji had touched my arm, and my hand, when she voiced out her concerns for me.

My gosh, I'm in trouble.