HANNI & HER WAYS || Bbangsaz

I am in love with you

I am so fucking bored." I said out loud to no one but myself.

It is now Wednesday night and I was yet again, home alone. My parents will be home late, and I roamed the house with a blanket around me, and my mouth chewing the veggie wrap that I had made.

Minji and I finished all of our assignments at her place five days ago, and the way I kissed her burned in my head while it replays over and over again.

I groaned and held the blanket closer around me.

I should be happy that I have these feelings like this for her. I should be happy to want her, and I should be damn happy that she wants me like I want her. My thoughts flooded with these complicated things all night, and I'm getting frustrated because I can't help but feel like I'll never be enough.

Why the hell do I feel like I hate myself all the time? I know I have people to talk about it to, and I know that they know but-

But why do I hate the fact that they know?

"Ugh!" I threw the blanket in the middle of the hallway towards the kitchen and stomped my way into my room.

I need a distraction.

Back at Minji's house, she knew something bugged me. Right away she asked what was wrong. Me being me, I tried to evade her question by making an excuse about how we needed to work on our assignments. Minji, being Minji wanted to know what was going on in my head but didn't pester and gave me space.

I would see her in class, and we would work on our assignments individually. It was kind of obvious that I was trying to ignore her, but Minji didn't question it. I was grateful for that. But I was trying to feel pretty bad about it when I stopped replying to her texts, and everyone's texts. They would ask me if I wanted to have lunch with them out of school but I would say no and go hang out in the library studying instead.

Jake called me out on it, and I just told him that the teachers were giving us a shit ton of assignments and that I was behind. He believed me, and left me alone for a while. But I have to reply to his messages regarding our Secret Santa exchange this Friday. I didn't want to disappoint everyone by blowing them off about that.

I could tell Minji and Danielle didn't buy my bullshit, but to my surprise they haven't drilled me with questions.

Hyein, during basketball practice one day asked if I was trying to kill the team by giving intense high cardio plus strength workouts. I straight up told her that I know some of them will be slacking off during this winter break and I wanted hard-level training before so we can easily catch up when we get back.

Some of our teammates agreed with me while the others fell flat on the ground, and out of breath. Minji was bent down, also out of breath with her hands on her knees and staring at me. I handed her a water bottle and told everyone to take a quick water break because we needed to scrimmage before we end the practice. They all groaned but didn't question it.

I knew Minji wanted to talk to me, but I was out of the gym after I quickly changed back into my clothes. It was almost as if I was hiding from her, and I really was.

Now I'm here in my room, looking at the clock reading eleven thirty on it while I zipped up my running jacket over top my long sleeve athletic shirt. I quickly put on thermal pants, and running pants overtop of that. It's been a while since I ran outside in the cold, so I made sure that I won't freeze out there. Finally, I put on my wireless earbuds and put on winter earmuffs on top.

With that, I made sure to lock the house and ran to god knows where. My running shoes felt springy, and comfortable which made me run faster than normal. I was lucky that it wasn't icy tonight, or else I would've fallen on my ass by now.
I cranked up my music and drowned out my surroundings while I ran. I'm glad I went out tonight. It was so nice. Perfect temperature, the moon is up and bright, the houses I've passed had their Christmas decorations up which made the whole neighborhood seemed jolly.