Why - a Macolet au

Chapter 7

Maloi

I didn't have to tell my Mom. I knew she knew about Colet and I.

If I wasn't busy with the internship, I was always on my phone talking to Colet whenever I have free time. The signs were glaringly obvious.

My article was about to be released in a few days. It still felt surreal that I was given this big opportunity even as an intern.

One night, I was tired from working late and headed straight home when my Mom confronted me.

"Tsk. San ka na naman galing? Nakipag date ka na naman? Kasama mo na naman yung Colet?" my Mom began her litany like usual.

"Ma, pagod ako sa work please," I told her, desperate to go to bed.

"Paano di ka mapapagod. Lagi ka na lang nasa labas. Pwede ka naman umuwi ng maaga, pero magsasabi ka na kakain ka muna sa labas o manonood ng cine o pupunta kung saan man. Talagang mapapagod ka niyan," she said.

"Ma, please," I said tiredly, walking towards my room. Then mumbled "Siya na nga lang pahinga ko sa mundong nakakapagod."

"Kaming pamilya mo? Ayaw mo na makasama? Ipagpapalit mo pa siya samin?" my Mom asked, anger emanating her voice. I didn't answer and just kept my eyes on her.

My Mom repeated her question, this time full of hate and spite "Mas pipiliin mo pa yung tibong yon kaysa saming pamilya mo?"

There it is, the elephant in the room finally addressed, her comment deeply rooted in homophobia.

At the corner of my eye, I saw my siblings come out of their rooms. Watching the whole exchange, worry lacing their eyes.

"No. But I'm choosing myself."

"Layuan mo na yang babaeng yan," my Mom said.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves as I said the thing I've been wanting to say to my Mom these past few months.

"I'm packing my things. I wanna leave this house."

"Aalis ka? Kung ganon, lumayas ka! Lumayas ka sa pamamahay namin! Ngayon na, wala akong pakialam kung gabi na, lumayas ka!" my Mom said.

I never heard her this angry before. Tears started to well up in my eyes as I rushed towards my room.

I got my suitcase and started packing quickly—my vision blurry because of the tears that wouldn't stop from falling.

I never imagined this would actually happen in real life. I never imagined that my Mom would do this to me, just because I've chosen myself.

Can't I be selfish just for once? Can't I be brave and choose myself without any repercussions?

I didn't want to stay in a place where I felt like I was no longer loved—all because I wasn't acting the way I'm supposed to.

It's stifling to hide who you are and I'm just really tired of it all.

This place is no longer a place I could call home.