♡𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚒 𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞, 𝚖𝚢 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚛.♡ siglai fanfic.

CHAPTER 8| wedding and cruelty.

context: wedding time. >w< (slight tw? only cursing)
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the day finally arrived, both were overjoyed, finally, the world could know how much they love each other, finally they could be joined as one. just a few more hours and they would be in each others arms in a embraced saying 'i love you.' a promise to always love each other, that only death may due them part, if they'd even allow death to due them part. today was a day where they could just join their love together.

~sigmas pov.~

*'finally.'* I thought, finally I could have him as my wonderful husband, I could love him, he could be mine and i'd be his.

I got into my white suit and rearranged my tie, as Dazai sat next to my side and looked down a bit, I was a confused.  guess it's just nervousness?  I'm so excited. finally, the love of my life will actually be able to be called my 'husband' instead of just my fiancee. I loved him so much, he meant the world to me and always will.

--time skip to the wedding.--

I wait nervously before getting the sign to walk down the aisle, I shiver a bit before opening the door lining out my suit and walking down smiling at Nikolai who was at the end, he looked amazing. I love him so much, he was such a beauty to my eyes. I step up the platform and smile at his blushing and embarrassed face. 

after the pastor goes on about the whole  do you take him to be your husband, "I do." says Nikolai smiling before the pastor looks over at me "I do." I say smiling at Nikolai sweetly, but as the pastor carries on,

"if anyone objects to the wedding please say now or forever hold your peac-" the pastor couldn't even finish before dazai bursts out the door crying and yells, "I object. Sigma, Nikolai doesn't love you, fyodors alive and he's been cheating, for weeks, days, months. Please you have to believe me." he yells, everyone gasps while my heart shatters and sinks, I turn over to Nikolai who has that 'fuck you snitch.' face.

"honey look you don't  believe him right-" I slapped him hard on the face, "what the fuck? I thought you loved me, why would you lie.?" I ask trying not to cry and smashing the flowers on the ground, "WHY?" I ask again while he just stares at me, "I didn't love you, not until I learned he was still alive. I couldn't deny my feelings,but I also couldn't let you down."

he says looking away guilty. "I would love you if it didn't mean I wasn't loving Fyodor." He says averting his gaze back at me, I scoff and just cry, "I loved you. I thought you did too. you can't keep lying to my face, and then apologizing for it. you can't just lie about something and then say it was a mistake, did EVERYTHING. just mean nothing?" I ask clenching my hands. he stays quiet not knowing what to say.

I can feel my heart dropping, whole soul crushing,I loved him, I did. and I would throw everything away for him. only to find out he wouldn't even kill a fly. did he just fake everything? the nightmare, everything? did all those 'i always will love you' mean nothing? was I really just gonna throw everything away for this man only for him to cheat.

"I'm sorry sigma i just-" he started before cutting himself off and looking away in guilt, "I just couldn't force myself to love you." he said as a single tear falls off his cheek, "what?" I asked feeling my own tears drying up only to leave red stains on my cheeks, my head not being able to process anything, "I just can't love you." he says again, I couldn't talk I felt mute. my heart shattered, today was supposed to be the happiest day of my life no? 

today is far from the happiest, I love him still it's true and I possibly can't get over him, even if it'll be fifty years, he'll always be the one who could make me laugh, love someone, care about someone, and adore someone all at the same time. I adored him, and I thought he did too. but it was just the opposite. he didn't and neither did anyone. 

"please just let me explain-" he reached a hand out for me but I just slapped it away, I wasn't able to think just cry and laugh, nothing was funny, it shouldn't be funny, but for some reason it was. I fell in love with a fucking Joke and it was nothing more than a joke. everything in this relationship was as fake as his smile. he didn't mean anything he said and yet I was an idiot who believed it. did he just think I woudn't care if he just went back to Fyodor and left me behind? covering everything, saying he's dead.

was that fake as well, how was he even alive? he died and I saw it with my own eyes. he's dead. but from how this is turning out I'm not surprised anymore. it was all a lie, a scheme I should've seen a mile away. I don't understand how I was so blind, nor how he was so cruel.

"baby please just let me explain." I was frozen and just slapped him again, "what do you mean, 'explain?!' there's  nothing you can explain, you fucking ruined everything, I thought you accepted and loved me, even if I had my ups and downs. I thought you wouldn't mind spending your whole life with me. only to fucking find out that you, the man I loved and cherished was just a fucking faker. your a cruel person Nikolai. one I refuse to call my lover." I yell in a shaken voice before wiping my tears and just walking away, past Dazai who was frozen in shock.

I sigh and sit outside crying not able to think of anything. I loved him, but he didn't love me. he never did. I can't believe I called him my lover and cherished him. I can't believe I even trusted him. I should've just stayed in Yokohama and lived a normal life maybe got a cat. yet I decided to run away with Nikolai and marry him. I guess everyone was right about him. I guess I was just to blind to notice it. 

I was to blind to realize he was the poison leading to my destruction.

________________END OF CHAPTER 8.______

how we feeling guys? :3

TITLE- the love I hold for you, my dear.
FANDOM- BSD
AUTHOR- SIGLAIS#1FAN
DO NOT TRANSLATE, STEAL, OR COPY MY WORK!!!
this story is currently only on Wattpad, anything else is a copy and NOT mine.
I might upload it on ao3!!<3
CHAPTER 9 SOON?