♡𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚒 𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞, 𝚖𝚢 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚛.♡ siglai fanfic.

CHAPTER 9| the truth.

<3| hi guys, this is gonna end up as angst also this IS the last part because I REALLY wanna write BSD x y/n or MHA x Y/N but y/n actually has logic and Aroace but I don't know so give me opinions please

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Sigma still couldn't get over this, should he just let it be or forgive nikolai? it was his fault sure but even still he couldn't get over this craving feeling for him, Nikolai was so addictive, he hated it but he couldn't get enough even if it hurt him so bad, he wanted him still he still wanted to love him.

just as he was deep in thought Nikolai came running up panting, "sigma, shit, fuck, Uhm. okay look this is really bad but look, Im sorry. I didn't-" Nikolai didn't get to finish his sentence before sigma cut him off, "I forgive you. I wasn't enough, I'm sorry." sigma said looking at nikolai blankly.


"what but-" Nikolai protested before sigma just shook his head, "just forget it, lets just get married." he said walking back into the venue, leaving Nikolai shocked, was this real? there's no way.


"wait-but-why are you forgiving me..?" Nikolai asked confused, sigma just turned around and looked at him, "because I love you, gogol." sigma answered, "that doesn't explain anything?!-i cheated, i-i don't deserve forgiveness, I hurt you badly, why are you just forgiving me?!" Nikolai asked, hell, even he was angry at himself, why couldn't sigma see that he should be mad?..


"it's, fine." sigma answers before walking back up to the isle, grabbing the rings and turning around, "Nikolai," he said softly before intertwining their lives with the rings, "I'm never gonna let you go." he said smiling as he cried, why was he crying?

it was because he knew he should be mad,he really should, but he can't, he can't blame Nikolai, he can only blame himself because he 'wasn't enough', he never was enough was he? no matter how much he tries someone will always have someone better than him in their lives,it's how it always was.

he was so mad, but he can't show it, the only reason is because he loves him, it breaks him so badly into small pieces but he can't stop it, he loves the feeling for some reason, even if it hurts so badly, he can't just leave, he's forcing himself to stay with the man that hurt his heart so badly.

he knows it's wrong but even still he can't help but say it's his fault, he was stupid enough to trust him so he might aswell face the consequences.

why does he even let himself hurt this much? he clearly doesn't have any use to this man so why stay? because he can't loose him, he loves him so much and he just wants to go back to when they loved each other, when feelings weren't forced and true, when he didn't cry because he's forcing himself to stay.

when he didn't have to force himself to say the words "i love you" he loved him, he truly did, he wanted to marry him and be his everything, but not everything stays the same, was he not enough?


Why did he have to change himself so much.

why couldn't gogol love him as himself.

why did he have to change for HIS approval.


WHY couldn't he just stay the same and still be loved.
 

he wanted to be the one he could trust and love.
the one he didn't have to go find others to get his fill.

HE wanted to be HIS lover.
HE wanted to be HIS.
HE JUST WANTED TO BE HIS.
But he got replaced with some one else.

The only reason he overworks himself is for HIM. for HIS approval, for HIS imbrace, just so he had that satisfaction that made this disgusting feeling in his stomach craving for the words "I love you." from a man who doesn't even want him, but he just wants this disgusting needing feeling to go away.


He just wants his love even if it hurts.
He just wants the feeling of missing him to go away, so he doesn't have to cry when thinking of him, so he doesn't have to feeling disgusted with himself because he couldn't get the approval, of someone who doesn't even love him, or even WANT HIM AROUND, WHY DOES HE WANT IT SO BAD.

he just wants to know and feel the love he could've had.
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TITLE- the love I hold for you, my dear.
FANDOM- BSD
AUTHOR- SIGLAIS#1FAN
DO NOT TRANSLATE, STEAL, OR COPY MY WORK!!!
this story is currently only on Wattpad, anything else is a copy and NOT mine.
I might upload it on ao3!!<3