void / hoonwon [DISCONTINUED]

disgust

sunghoon pulled himself up, yet couldn't pull himself together. his phone screen as if flashed right into his eyes, as he noticed the numerous missed calls from his parents. the ones he was never going to answer anyways.

his fingertips trembled as they made contact with the phone screen.  after booking a ride back home, all he could do was wait.

no...

he was always waiting.

just didn't know for what.

his focus fell onto the blood streaking his knuckles, knowing it wasn't his. that was a breath of fresh air. he really did something.

the road adjacent to the club was completely vacant. that until, a taxi stopped right in front of him. for a second, he was convinced it was his, but that was quickly denied once he noticed it was already occupied.

however, the moment that figure stepped out, the blankness of sunghoon's mind aggravated—to huge, huge extents.

the man had bloodshot eyes, disheveled hair, with a black zipper jacket barely shielding his figure from the cold, only there for it to have its chain pulled down. only there for people to see.

sunghoon's stomach churned, and a feeling of dread washed over him. not for the man in front, but for the way life was turning out.

jungwon was completely under the influence. it could be seen through the way he walked, or observed his surroundings, all sluggish and unsteady.

wasn't it just yesterday? he was overdosed and completely destroyed. those bastards left his bare body to decay. and now? here he was, back for more.

sunghoon's anger was completely fueled, coursing through his system that was driven by nothing but liquor. the man in front of him gave himself to others. he took the drugs willingly. and he was back for more.

was jake right?

was sunghoon the only one, living in his own false belief?

in that moment, sunghoon didn't just feel fury. he felt opposed to, by every fucking thing around him.

it was obvious that jungwon took notice of his presence, but it couldn't be determined if he noticed his fury. hatred. frustration. he was living his high life, being dumb, immature, and that made sunghoon want to scream.

watching the other try and walk past him didn't make things any better. "hey," he muttered, grabbing jungwon's sleeve and pulling him back to face him. there was a subtle slur to his tone.

"where do you think you're going?" his voice suppressed a lot of his emotions. those that were basically burning his insides.

did he expect an answer from the latter? no. did he receive a reply? again, no. all that there was to him was silence—one that reminded him, of the jungwon he saw at first glance.

it felt the same, as if he was staring at a dead body, a doll with its buttoned up eyes, that caused a chill to run down his spine. he was furious, and confused.

"you never answered me...why are you doing this to yourself?" despite sounding calm yet desperate at first, he quickly hit the roof, and before he knew it, he was raising his voice.

but watching the other stand there unaffected, seemingly so distant and unfocused, sunghoon couldn't help but tug onto his arm harshly. "look at me!"

"don't you get it!? you're destroying yourself!" he spat out, trying to jerk the other out of his trance, but he failed, every word he spoke.

jungwon's silence and bloodshot eyes were maddening. sunghoon felt like he was talking to a fucking wall. his vision might've been blurry, but he could still easily take notice of the trail of hickeys on the nape of jungwon's neck. even the dark bruise peaking out of his partially unzipped jacket. sunghoon felt like it was all there to taint the paleness of his skin.

everything about jungwon reminded him of his patheticness and the horrors of living a life like his.

why was he like this?

why the fuck was he doing this to himself?

jake was right, dammit.

"you think this is what you deserve!? getting used, and thrown away? what if i did the same? do you want me to do the same? should i use you up and leave you to rot away!? would you like that? i'm sure you would!" second by second, sunghoon was losing more and more of himself.

but every inch of jungwon's body reminded him of all the places he was touched. it all vividly played  in his mind, making him want to throw up.

"can't you look at me?" sunghoon hissed, grabbing a handful of the other's hair to close in the distance between them and forcing him to make eye contact. however, even that proximity didn't help. jungwon was emotionally miles away.

"you..." sunghoon, with a frown on his face, could only stare the other down, his  sight constantly shifting between getting fuzzy and clear.

he wasn't even here.

he was gone, lost to his own demons.

it was blurry, his head was spinning, and sunghoon didn't even feel like himself anymore. the sickening markings covering the other's body, and the show of skin in general... it wrought twistedness in his shell of frustration and dread.

should i use you up and leave you to rot away? would you like that?

his own words echoed in his mind, giving him back-to-back chills. with rationality overpowered by disgust, desire and sin, he found himself leaning in, smashing his lips against jungwon.

it was devoid of love, emotion, empathy—just, brutality, anger and sorrow, drowned in twisted desires.

jungwon was basically limp in sunghoon's arms, returning the same amount of intensity. yet, it felt like he wasn't even there. as if, he'd retreated back from everything, leaving sunghoon entangled in his own sorrows.

a very small part of him hoped this kiss would bring something out of the latter, but the rest knew it was impossible. jungwon was helpless.

so sunghoon kissed him harder, his desperation reaching out for what wasn't even possible. his tongue explored the other's mouth, but he wanted to freeze in place upon tasting the traces of cocaine.

every sense of desire was ripped out of him. he felt like he was witnessing the other's self destruction. his attempts had only served to feed the darkness within that cryptic.

he harshly pushed the other off him, again, watching him stumble back and be unable to balance himself, panting from the kiss.

what had he done?

sunghoon wanted to lash out. he wanted to get out of whatever the fuck he had gotten himself into.
noticing his ride approaching, nothing more than three words rolled off his tongue.

"you disgust me."

;