Sin-bin

Chapter 12 - Marcial edited

David told me fearing being around alcohol would make it all worse. He told me that the more I try to avoid being around alcohol th else I'll be able to stand being around alcohol in situations that I can't choose whether or not I'm exposed. Everyone admitted that being around alcohol is tough and trying, but if you have a good support system and aren't pressured, then you are okay. And if you are pressured, just leave. But overall, I need to stop avoiding being around my team just because they drink and I can't. 

So I show up on Sunday to Cap's football party. Cap doesn't actually live in Denver. He lives at least 45 minutes outside in one of the cities that are attached to Denver. This way, he can have an actual house and not just an apartment. It's necessary because they, Cap and Cassidy, have a Great Dane that needs a yard to shit in. 

It's a small neighborhood with nice houses and dying lawns. It's cloudy today, and the wind is bringing down the temperature. Every Sunday that the team isn't out of town or in a game, Cap hosts at least a few of the football-dedicated boys to eat junk and fawn over the game. I've never been a football person. It's boring the way it stops so often, and you can never understand what happened until they announce what happened. I don't like it, but I guess the point of these Sundays isn't just to watch football. It is also a tea bonding session that Cap takes seriously as the captain. 

There are quite a few cars parked on the curb around Cap's house, so I ended up parking kind of far down. It makes my stomach stir that a lot of the guys are here today. I can handle maybe a few drunk guys, but not many. What if they don't understand and try to pressure me? What if I can't stand being the only one not drunk and try to sneak a drink?

Breathe in, breathe out. Five things you can see. Four things you can touch. Three things you can hear. Two things you can smell. One thing you can taste. 

It takes an embarrassingly long time for me to clip out of my car. My stomach feels a little bit sick, and I know my heart is beating too fast. Exposure. I need exposure therapy. I can't keep falling victim to how my brain makes my body react. I need to breathe. I need to try. When I left my apartment, I swore to myself I would stay for an hour, and I will. Damnit, I will. 

Going to other people's houses is kind of weird if you're not super close. I went to Toi, arguably my best friend and former captain's house, all the time. I rarely ever knocked or rang the doorbell before I let myself in if the door was unlocked. I knew where everything was and was comfortable just watching TV with his daughter while he was out of the house. It was like it was part of my house, too.

I've been to Cap's house exactly twice before. The first time when I first moved to Denver, he invited me for a welcome dinner. The second shortly after I left the rehab center and he instisted I come over for dinner so I wasn't alone. Both times were kind of awkward and I wasn't sure how to act. It's like I barely know how to exist in my own body let alone someone else's house. 

When ring the doorbell, I can hear it from even outside. The wind chills me as I wait. It's not long before the seal is broken, and Cassidy is smiling brightly at me in a Bronco jersey. 

Cassidy is Cap's fiancé. She's a short girl, barely breaking 5'2" but she's got enough attitude to make her seem so much bigger. She's sweet but blunt from what I can tell, not afraid to be objective and tell us if we're playing shitty or whatever. She's also a fucking genius I guess. She's in her third year of getting a PhD in Biomedical engineering or something. I don't know what it is I just know it sounds fucking smart. 

"Marcial! I was hoping you would come! Come in!" She moves out of the doorway to let me in. 

Inside is warm and loud. The front door is not far from the living room where I can hear chatter and cheers. The house smells like beef and cheese. Without even asking, Cassidy starts pulling off my jacket to hang up in the coat closet.