El & Em: Two hearts, one band, a long slow ride

Chapter 20

The knock came about thirty minutes later, just after Emmett had made himself a drink from the bar fridge and sat back down again. Diane answered the door and, seeing Luke, waved a good-bye and went out, with her usual discretion.

Luke checked that the door locked behind her and glanced around to confirm they were alone in the suite, which, for once, they were. When he was sure, he came over to Emmett and started to lower himself to his knees, but Emmett caught his arm.

"No. Go sit over there." He nodded toward an armchair across from the couch, and Luke moved to it reluctantly.

"Thanks for letting me come over, Em." Luke leaned forward in the chair, hands clenching his thighs. "I been wanting to tell you I'm sorry."

"For what?" Emmett asked curiously. He felt strangely detached right now, like he was taking a purely clinical interest in what Luke had to say.

"For sleeping with José. And – for lyin' to him. I mean, I knew damn well you wouldn't be okay with it."

"I'm not. But...you're right, we never talked about it."

"You didn't need to tell me, I knew. Just like you know I'd hate it if you slept with another guy. Hell, I don't even like it when you sleep with girls." Luke gave a sheepish laugh.

"We've been through that, Luke. You know – "

"I know. I know, but it don't mean I like it. But that don't make any excuse for what I did with José. I'm sorry."

Emmett sipped from his drink, still oddly dispassionate. "So...why'd you do it then? If you knew I wouldn't like it."

"Because I – I thought it'd solve our problem. I thought after I did it once, you wouldn't worry so much about hurtin' me."

The detachment vanished abruptly, replaced with baffled frustration. "For real? That's the best way you could think of to deal with it?"

"Well, I – " Luke leaned back in his chair abruptly. "It seemed like the solution."

"Fucking someone else was the only idea that occurred to you? You couldn't think of anything else? And you had to do it without talking to me first?" Emmett's voice rose in disbelief.

It seemed to occur to Luke to consider this for the first time. After a pause he said, "I knew if I asked you ahead of time, you'd say no." He shook his head slightly and raised his hands. "I mean, I know you're mad. You can punish me, I won't complain. I'm surprised you ain't hit me."

Emmett leapt to his feet and strode past Luke's chair, across the room. "Are you out of your mind? I don't want to hurt you! I want to keep you safe. That's the whole point!" He stopped pacing but Luke didn't say anything, and when he turned around Luke was staring at the floor. "So you tell me I'm in charge of your life – you'll do whatever I say – but the moment you want to do something you know I won't agree to, you just – do it anyway and figure you'll sweet-talk me later. All that talk about me being in control was a lie."

"It wasn't a lie." Luke lifted his head. For the first time, Emmett noticed his pale skin and tired eyes. "But you're right, that's what I do. I've done it my whole life...if I want something bad enough I just – go after it and deal with the fallout later. I knew you'd be mad but I figured you'd forgive me in the end."

"Jesus, Luke." Emmett sighed. He came back and dropped onto the sofa. "You're right, I will forgive you. But I'm not going back to the way things were. It's not like I wanted to be in charge in the first place. I'm not gonna keep playing pretend."

"It ain't pretend, Em. You know it ain't."

"Apparently it is, whenever you don't like something."

"I won't do it again."