El & Em: Two hearts, one band, a long slow ride

Chapter 25

Luke and Laura had one long discussion before he made his decision, and then never really spoke about it again. Laura's bottom line was simple: she wanted a real partner and a real family, not a public relations exercise. Other than that, she put no rules or restrictions on Luke; she just trusted him. So it wasn't because of her that Luke cut off contact with Emmett; no, he made that choice himself.

He suggested relocating and she had no objection. He picked Seattle not only for the distance – whatever that was worth, when he was rich enough to charter a plane any time of the day or night and be with Emmett in a matter of hours – but because he'd heard that interesting music was coming from the area and thought it might be inspiring or at least distracting. The other option was Austin, and Luke didn't see himself living in Texas.

Being a father turned out to be everything Luke had hoped for. Laura must have conceived on one of their very first tries, because Julia was born in March of 1987. By then Laura was 36 and afraid to wait any longer, so Jason arrived just nine months later. They had both left their own families behind on the east coast; their parents came out for extended visits when the kids were born, but otherwise they were on their own except for paid help.

At first, of course, Luke felt unequipped and relied too heavily on others. But Laura wanted the full experience of parenthood, and after watching her figure things out, make mistakes, and try again, he knew he wanted to do more as well. He started getting up when the kids did, learned how to make them breakfast and get them dressed, read them stories, give them baths and put them to bed. He found the patience to teach them how to drink from a cup, tie shoelaces, catch a ball, turn cartwheels, ride a bike, make music. And in exchange he got to see those two mysterious creatures grow into small people he knew intimately: Julia, who took after him – creative, impetuous, curious; and Jase – precocious, wise, earnest. When he looked at the two of them, he had no regrets.

Making those phone calls – first to Emmett, and then to Leo, Pete and Gordon – had probably been the hardest thing Luke had ever done, the lowest point in his life – worse even than the call to Lexi. His memory of that time was a vague blur, as though the experience was so painful his brain refused to record it. For the first year or so afterward he tried not to think about any of them at all.

Of course, he couldn't avoid thoughts of Emmett – they were almost non-stop at first – but he taught himself that Emmett hadn't had enough faith, hadn't loved him enough, and forced his mind to move on. The distance helped; you didn't hear much about the Philly scene out on the west coast, and he didn't see many of his old friends – except Eddie occasionally, who was too smart to mention Emmett's name – so he didn't get regular news or updates. He did hear about Emmett buying Forge, and sometimes saw his name in record credits as a performer or producer. Once in a while Luke would be out somewhere a radio was playing and hear a trumpet or harp solo that he instantly recognized; Emmett's playing was unmistakable to him. He always wanted to stay and savour every note, but he'd force himself to move along quickly instead.

***

The property Luke bought outside of Seattle was similar to the one in Pennsylvania: a big old house surrounded by fields and trees. Like before, he converted one room into a studio and one into a gym. As always, he had plenty of songs in the hopper, so he was able to record his first solo album in the small spaces between child-raising. His heart wasn't exactly in it, but it kept his mind busy, and Jerry constantly warned him about the dangers of fading from the public eye. After the record's release Luke declined to tour – he was not interested in forming another band, or in being away from home while the kids were so young. Instead, he and Laura played a couple of small local shows and a launch party in LA, and called it a day.